Weekly email prompts - Day 3

I'm actually behind and skipped the actual Day 3 prompts but will come back to them when I feel like writing about them. Yesterday I wrote this one, so this prompt is a little late. And yes, I already screwed up daily writing exercises within the first week.
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Reflect on yesterday's events and identify moments that happened spontaneously. Explore how you felt during those moments.


Yesterday I was at a Memorial Day BBQ with Stuart's family. One spontaneous moment that comes to mind is when his aunt Judy was telling me that I'm going to the lake trip this year, that she needs me to go and that she had a wonderful time with me last year, "more than you'll ever know." My eyes started to water. She wanted to know why I was against going, and I told her it was because it's expensive and I have no way to help pay. She said that she understands that I'm not a person who expects others to pay for me, she knows I'm a good person and wants me to be involved in the family vacation. I felt so loved. This is a woman I've spent one week with at the lake trip last year and have seen not many times other than that, and she is willing to pay my way on the trip because she values my company. It makes me happy to know that my personality is so valued and that, even though she barely knows me, she realizes it's hard for me to allow others to pay such an amount of money on me. I truly love Stuart's family and I am happy I get to go on this year's trip, despite still wanting to figure out a way to help financially. I will most definitely be helping with clean up and everything like that, but of course I would have done that anyway even if I paid for myself, as I did last year.

Lady's got a brand new bag!

That's right! Me. I've got a brand new bag. Mega Messenger/Laptop bag to be more specific.

Yes, it looks quite a bit big on me, but any laptop bag would. This bag was made to my specifications by Candy Glendening who's business, Candied Fabrics has seemed to have taken off in the last few years. She starts with her hand-dyed fabrics and creates from them scarves (silk), totes, purses, clutches, even journal covers (and more!). She allows her customers to personalize every inch of the bag which in my case even included the size of the inside pockets (there's a pocket for a pen or pencil and a slightly thicker pocket for my slightly thicker than usual lipgloss) as well as the exact dyed purple fabric patch.

I chose the flower on the front - an Echinacea.

I chose the 'squigglies' (her technical term is 'fiddlehead') for the side cell phone pocket.

To further personalize her bags, Candy gives her customers the option to stitch their names on their bag. Odd as it may sound, I find it kind of weird to see or hear my name so I didn't want that but I still wanted to make it personalized in that way. So I decided a great idea was to choose one word that could be a positive reminder to me every time I opened my bag. And so I chose:

Generosity. Candy liked the idea. So there you have it. My very awesome, very sturdy, very ME bag.

There are some more photos that she put together for her blog that I'll share:

HERE

HERE

Now, it wasn't cheap and I really did fight myself over it for a while. I caught my first glance of Candy's work at the Orange Muffin Festival in Redlands (urgghh... old people) I believe back in early 2010 or even late 2009, I forget. But I couldn't bring myself to spend that much money on something like a bag. I'd read her blog and see her in our paper every so often. Then I saw that she made Natalie, a line dance instructor I had, a laptop bag. Then I saw Candy in a photo in our paper the same week. And THEN as I was composing an email to Candy to tell her I think it was time for me to give in to my urges (after having talked it over with Chantal - she said I deserved a present to myself - 'go for it'), my co-worker Joy said something out loud about her. Cur-azy! So all that kinda sealed the deal.

I will still look at it and say "God, I can't believe I spent that much" but she let me know that the bag she's using now has held strong in the past year and she uses it often, so hopefully in a year I'll look at it and say 'damn, you're still here, you're still beautiful and now I see you're worth the money I spent on you.' And then I'll probably hug it. Because that's what I do (I guess I'll have to start hugging things now).

Unfortunately the next week is when our work told us our pay is being cut 5.5% but oh-effing-well. Got the bag, it's cool and I gave her a deadline so that I could have it just in time for my flight to AZ which is this coming week. I'm taking one overhead luggage bag and my laptop bag and that's it. I'm still worried about what to take and not take, but I guess I'll deal with that a little later. I set up a date to rent a car so that's taken care of now.

Heading into 2011

Watching: Wild China (6 pt series)

It's Dec. 31, the day that is most known for making resolutions. I've never been a fan of making those but realized I do have some.

First of all, of course, is to reach my weight loss goal. That part I can see happening easily since I'm so close and had already made that a goal. So as my resolution I will draw from that and say that I resolve to remain conscious of what I eat and continue to make healthy decisions about what I put in my body. Alcohol is my weakness, but I think if I eat healthy and start a work out routine, I'll be in good shape.

Another resolution, like always, is to save money. The goal has always been to save money, but my resolution is to learn money management and utilize the skill and have my savings account reflect that. Before 2011 begins, I've already taken a great step to this because I'm registered for a personal finance class.

I will be going to Arizona to see an online friend I've never met yet have been in touch with for over 5 years. Amy Parker. In 2011, I'm taking advantage of 10-days furlough time and turning them into experiences. I will be visiting Amy and her son Dallas (and her husband and other housemates) and we will go out to karaoke. I will then go visit my cousin Sarah who is often in AZ to see her finace (or bf, but I think it's finace) and will be at that time. I bought my tickets a few days ago and so the motion of this plan has begun. This means I cannot turn back. I've chosen my days, I've got my ticket, now I need to collect information on what to pack, how to rent a car and remind myself through the whole thing that I'm brave enough to face my fear! I don't have a fear of flying, I have a fear of doing new things alone. So 2011 will be a big step with this event alone.

Also in my furlough schedule are 3 dates in a row in which Igor Spectre is playing a show each of those nights. So I'm sure everyone knows where I'll be. I used to be scared to go to Igor Spectre shows alone and I got over that. Hope for the future. ;)

Stuart and I are making a list of things we want to do together. We have gone to the aquarium and want to return. We also want to go to the wild animal park, zoo, la brea tar pits, the 'house built by a crazy lady' (he knew what I meant as soon as I said that) and others.

Living in sin

Listening to: The sound of Stuart making breakfast (SHOCK!)

I went to my grandparents house yesterday for lunch which was different. At some point my grandpa asked when I was going to get married. I kind of laughed at him because I just discussed that my boyfriend delivers pizza for his new job, and his old job was working at a gas station. I asked him why I should get married and he said it's because I'm living in sin. Then my grandmother interjected and grandpa followed up with "I'm just joking around." But the way my grandmother reacted to it, I'm sure he wasn't joking around, he just didn't want a heated argument.
So since I didn't get to say what I wanted to say to him, I'll say it here (because my blog needs some updates anyway).

I'd rather live in sin than live in regret and disappointment. I've told a few people that Stuart, being the person he is, I can see us being together for a long time. However, I decided a while ago that if I'm going to dedicate the rest of my life to someone, that person needs to show that they can take care of me. I don't want to spend anymore of my life taking care of someone else (unless it's my kid). I'm not going to get married until my soon-to-be-spouse has a decent job and (here's the hard one) we don't live in a house full of roommates. I might accept one roommate, but I'd rather not. I'd like to have a house to ourselves, but that is honestly looking very bleak. I don't have the money and he sure as hell doesn't have the money, so I'm really stuck here. It'd be stupid of us to move out into an apartment that is almost double what we're paying now just for some privacy.

So I'll either remain living in sin or certain things will need to change. I've been with Stuart almost 3 years and am incredibly proud of myself. If money wasn't an issue, there would be very little upsets in our relationship. Some changes need to be made, so I'm on the lookout for those.