Daily creative writing prompt - day 4

Day 4 of creative writing got me to talk a little about my break up with Stuart.
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#35 - "List 10 challenges you've faced in the last 3 months. Pick one challenge and write about it."
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1. Finding a balance between my happiness to be a camp councilor I've dreamt of since I was 18 and the misery and uselessness I feel being unemployed for so long.
2. Discovering that my emergency back up fund is a measly $200 instead of $1,000 it was a year ago.
3. Finding the strength and making the decision to break up with Stuart.
4. Doubting the decision I was so proud of because Stuart is trying so hard to be in a realtionship again.
5. Finding another roommate.
6. Dealing with the current roommate who is barely paying rent.
7. Being sick for 2 weeks.
8. Cutting back on alcohol purchases.
9. Not being able to go to karaoke for 3 weeks.
10. Dealing with the roommate shuffle and the complaints that come from it.
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How can you tell what one's true intentions are? If they say "I want that too," how do you know they're telling the truth and not just saying it because you feel the same way?
I'm having a hard time deciding whether Stuart truly wants to be back in a relationship with me to pursue a future, or if he just wants me back because we've had four years together and he's used to having me around? I'm curious to know if he's fighting so hard to just keep the stability rather than actually wants to progress.
When we were together, topics like marriage and kids were few and far between, and I hardly got any responses so conversations never met their full potential. Because it felt like he didn't want to talk about it, I had to assume that meant it wasn't important to him. Maybe even something he wasn't willing to ever achieve in the future. Because he didn't want to talk about things and I'm not a mind reader, I had to assume his stance on them and I assumed it was that he actually didn't want kids and marriage wasn't something he was interested in.
Because I wanted these things at some point and because I don't believe it's fair to be with someone who doesn't want the same large things in life as yourself, I wanted to break up. I told him this in February; "do you agree? Do you have anything to say?" and he did not. That was his chance to say "no, I don't think that's right, I think I can prove to you," but he didn't. Instead he was totally fine with it for a month, then Jekyll and Hyde for another month, and now he's desperately trying to get me back, to the point where he's smothering me.
He showed up to karaoke every week for a while, something he didn't used to do. He bought me flower like 3 times, something he never used to do. He all of a sudden wanted to play D&D, something he always said "fuck off" to in the past. And while some of these things are nice, and the gesture was kind, it would piss me off more because he had the capacity to do these things, yet never thought to do them in the past.
I really am unsure what to do. He's said I'm the only person he's dated that he has actually thought, 'yes, I can marry this girl' and 'yes, I want to have a baby with this person' but is it really true? Is he just saying that to get me back? Does he actually WANT a kid? If he doesn't really want a kid, and doesn't really want to be married but he's willing to go through these things to be with me, is that not selfish of me? Selfish of himself? I want to be with someone who WANTS these things so I don't feel like it's my fault if he ends up unhappy.
But there's really no way to tell, I just have to try and take his word for it. :(

Sim seeps into RL

Watching: 16 & Pregnant

I've been playing Sims 3 and like many others, the first family you make is your own. I haven't figured out how to get pets, if possible (besides goldfish), but it's Stuart and I. I started us off at young adult and was having fun with their daily life. Stuart got into a job of politics. Nichole started off there, quit to pursue a writing career, wrote a book then took a part time job at a bookstore while working on another book. I then went off and started a journalism job... but then something devastating happened. I got caught up in creating the perfect little life (which is what Sims is for, living out your dreams) for us that our birthday came and we became old whiteheads. :( I saw 'myself' age past 50, I had white hair and walked slowly. But what hurt the most is that I was unmarried and without child. I think this has unlocked a hidden fear; to grow old before marrying and having a child. I didn't want to HAVE a baby at that age (I'm sure a Sim can, but because it's a reflection of my perfect life, I wouldn't want to have a baby at that age), so I adopted. I called the adoption agency, said I wanted a baby boy... and they brought me a little black baby. Definitely not what I expected nor what I wanted.

So that's my little upset. Yes, it's a pretend game but I put my real self and Stuart into it. We were living together for 'years' as bf/gf and were now grey. That's crazy. That's something I hope that won't happen. Nah, I know it won't happen because I won't let it happen.

Living in sin

Listening to: The sound of Stuart making breakfast (SHOCK!)

I went to my grandparents house yesterday for lunch which was different. At some point my grandpa asked when I was going to get married. I kind of laughed at him because I just discussed that my boyfriend delivers pizza for his new job, and his old job was working at a gas station. I asked him why I should get married and he said it's because I'm living in sin. Then my grandmother interjected and grandpa followed up with "I'm just joking around." But the way my grandmother reacted to it, I'm sure he wasn't joking around, he just didn't want a heated argument.
So since I didn't get to say what I wanted to say to him, I'll say it here (because my blog needs some updates anyway).

I'd rather live in sin than live in regret and disappointment. I've told a few people that Stuart, being the person he is, I can see us being together for a long time. However, I decided a while ago that if I'm going to dedicate the rest of my life to someone, that person needs to show that they can take care of me. I don't want to spend anymore of my life taking care of someone else (unless it's my kid). I'm not going to get married until my soon-to-be-spouse has a decent job and (here's the hard one) we don't live in a house full of roommates. I might accept one roommate, but I'd rather not. I'd like to have a house to ourselves, but that is honestly looking very bleak. I don't have the money and he sure as hell doesn't have the money, so I'm really stuck here. It'd be stupid of us to move out into an apartment that is almost double what we're paying now just for some privacy.

So I'll either remain living in sin or certain things will need to change. I've been with Stuart almost 3 years and am incredibly proud of myself. If money wasn't an issue, there would be very little upsets in our relationship. Some changes need to be made, so I'm on the lookout for those.