Daily creative writing prompt - day 1

Broke up with Stuart in Feb, might write about it someday but probably not. Here to do a daily creative writing blog now. Using http://creativewritingprompts.com/# and randomly generating a number.
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 #45 "In 200 words, what does this metaphore make you think of; 'A garnish of Joy'."
Idea: Woman named Joy making lemonade, talking with someone, cuts her finger, blood drips in glass 'garnish of Joy.' Miscarriage
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    "So, have the two of you decided on a name?"
    Arthritic hands steadily rolled spoon, knife and fork in a cloth napkin and set it to her right. A slow burst of heat from the open oven caused beads of sweat to slowly gather on both their brows. Joy pulled out a tray of lemon squares and set them on the counter with a deep sigh, removed the oven mits, returning them to the drawer, then allowing the hair on her arm to soak up the sweat as she drug her wrist against her forehead. 
    "Mother, we don't even know if I can get pregnant. Why pick out a name for something that may not even exist?" She leaned back against the counter and looked out the window. 
    "Sweetheart," her mother said with a smile on her face and in her voice, "you must learn to think more positively." 
    Outside was a gathering of family enjoying a Summer afternoon, with adults chatting and children running. None of the children came by way of Joy's loins and she watched them play and laugh, longingly. 
    "But you are trying, aren't you?" 
    Joy ripped her gaze from the window and aimed a glare at her mother. 
     "Why are you so set on this!? What is so important about me having a baby anyway? You have grandkids playing in the backyard, why don't you cherish your time with them?" 
    She turned back to the counter, seeking something to occupy her hands and calm her nerves. She grabbed a knife, cutting board and lemon. 
    "I'm making more lemonade. Bring the pitcher from the table, please." 
    Her mother raised herself up slowly, eyes full of hurt for being yelled at. She grasped the pitcher handle with one hand and moved to place the other under to support it, but the large pitcher had slipped through her fingers before she could and it shattered on the ground near her feet. 
    Joy had just plunged the knife into the lemon with extra force from her emotional outburst when the shattered glass caused her nerves to waiver, her thumb slipped under the knife, or the knife jumped towards her thumb. 
    The red looked more brilliant alongside the yellow fruit and the sting was more pronounced due to the citrus. The startled gasp that started in her throat when the glass shattered had manifested to a scream at this point. 
    "Shit!" She dropped the knife on the cutting board, splashing blood and juice further across the cutting board. Joy moved quickly to the sink, red droplets leaving a trail. She turned on the water, shoved her injured member under the stream and looked back at her mother. 
    "Are you alright?" she asked in a panicked voice. Her mother's eyes fell upon the shards of glass. 
    "Mother, are you okay? Did you cut yourself?" 
    The shattered glass seemed to recieve the appology; "I'm sorry." 
    Frustrated, Joy grabbed a kitchen cloth, wrapped it around her thumb and went to her mother's side. 
    "Mom, it's fine. Just a little mess." Joy grabbed her mother's hands to be sure there were no cuts on it. 
    "I'm sorry I keep pushing," her mother said. "I just know you want a child, I want you to be happy." 
    Joy sighed and held her mother's hands fully. 
    "Mom... we have been trying. More than you think. I don't know if I want to try anymore." 
    Her mother's wet gaze met with Joy's. "I don't understand." 
    "I know," Joy said. "I haven't told you. Tom and I felt it wasn't right to burden the rest of the family." Her eyes began to water. 
    "Miscarriage. That's all we get." The kitchen rag wrapped around Joy's thumb no longer matched the rest of the yellow set. It was now mostly red. 
    One less kitchen rag, one less lemonade pitcher and no more grandchildren.


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I realize it's probably over 200 words, it doesn't even use the 'garnish of Joy' phrase NOR does it even use the imagery of the blood dripping into the glass of lemonade, but this is my first one. You get what you get and I had to get something out of me.
I've realized I've forgotten how to organize paragraphs in a story, and I realize this story sucks. Starting point is better when it sucks, I have much room for improvement.

Award winning poem of the past

I need to share this so that it will never get lost again. I wrote this in 2003, senior in high school. I submitted it in 2007 to my college literary magazine. It was accepted and then won first place. I was asked to read it in front of an audience. While I don't write anymore, I still think back on this accomplishment and remember how honored I felt and felt deserving of it (rather than those poetry contests where everyone wins and you're like 'serious? I submitted that ironically'). People I showed it to said that I was brave for writing this and brave for reading this and I'm definitely glad I did. So here is my poem.

Deeper

I am from a childhood caught on tape
bathing, giggling, teething.
I am from a Stater Brother's backyard
combing a dolls hair on the kitchen floor.
I am from the yellow brick road
and Pee-Wee's word-of-the-day.
I am from sitting at the kitchen counter
after three hours and cold pea soup.
I am from singing and laughing,
from tickling and smiling.
I am from one to another.
I am from church;
God's palm in one hand, junior bible in the other.
I am from Christmas Eve afternoon: step-dad's family.
I am from Christmas Eve night: Mom's family.
I am from Christmas morning: our house.
I am from Christmas afternoon: Daddy's house.
It's enough to break a child.
I am from watching children's hands
bloom red under and angry ruler.
It's enough to break a child.
I am from stories of overturned cars,
just one I cared for.
I am from stories told different ways
blaming different people.
It's enough to break a child.
I am from the loss of the only one I had.
It's enough to break anyone.
I am from salty pillowcases and troubled nights.
I am from wrong being right being wrong
Which always was.
I am from secrets, shhh, secrets.
It's enought to break a child.
I am from "I love you"
I am from "I love you" and I don't believe it anymore.
It's enough to break a child.
I am from anger around me where
I place myself.
I am from nightmare's of enjoyed rape
and awaken with the urge to empty my stomach in the toilet.
It's enough to break a child.
I am from somewhere you can't go
because I built it and stay there, in here.
It's enough to break a child.
I am from a mother who thinks she understands
because she found the secret.
I hate it.
It's enough to break a child.
They scream, they yell, they cuss, I cry
to myself. "Don't you dare let them see."
It's enough to break a child.
I am from breaking so many times,
yet the pieces will not fall. They sit,
hang, pull, but will not fall.
It's enough to break a child.
Broken would be better than this place I've trapped myself.
Just a child.
(3.17.03)

Update on life

Listening to: Flyleaf (Grooveshark.com)

I haven't blogged in months and there was a lot that was missed.
(This is us at California Adventure) Krys (an ex) came to visit earlier in the year and while we only scheduled to see each other once, she ended up extending her trip and I got to see her multiple times, including going to karaoke with her father and soon-to-be step-mother. I enjoyed that time.

(us at Little Tokyo in Los Angeles, I really like this picture)
(us tinted blue because we're at the Aquarium of the Pacific).


Went on a week vacation with Stuart and his family and extended family. I really enjoyed it despite the fact that I was worried I'd be smothered by socializing. I got a new car one week before the trip to be sure we didn't have any car problems driving out there (to Arizona/Utah - Lake Powell). I said I probably wouldn't be going next year because of the cost... but I honestly think if Stuart wants to, I'd like to go again. I enjoyed his family and extended family and I believe they enjoyed me as well.

Within the span of a month, the general manager at my work was laid off (the position was no longer necessary), one co-worker put in his two-week notice with the intention of returning to school, then three other co-workers, one after the other, put in their resignation with other jobs lined up. I festered, angry I couldn't go anywhere because I had no skills (and I couldn't get a job doing what I already was because it turns out our company doesn't use industry standard programs), I watched the ONE news reporter we had bend and fold under pressure, I saw our ONE sports reporter scramble to create a sports section he only became familiar with a few months prior and I saw panic and confusion seep through our tiny building.

In August an announcement was made; Pagination department was being moved to another location about 30-45minutes away. I was given the opportunity to keep my job (for no extra pay) or be laid off. I chose to be laid off. Before I chose, I cried. This was the third time I was being laid off and I'd promised myself I wouldn't come back after strike 3. That meant it was over for real this time. My future was a big lump of uncertainty, but I was certain that our company wasn't doing well and my position had no room for advancement, and since I'd been quietly musing to myself for months how wonderful it would be for them to lay me off so that I could look for another job while getting paid and not having to stress over the company woes anymore, it was really time to leave.

I signed up to be a consultant for Scentsy (www.nicholeo.scentsy.us) and so far I'm enjoying it. I feel I've been successful but I think it's just the initial pumped up start and won't keep this pace forever. It's occupying some of my endless free time and that's what I need. Still no answers back on resume's, but I won't start freaking out about that until 3 months of unemployment.

Regarding my living situation; in August Stuart and I left the 'Scum Mansion' to rent my old childhood home (still owned by my parents). We are living with Joyousenne, whom I've known since I was 19, and another couple who will be moving out at the end of October (otherwise there will be lots of tension). I'm enjoying it, being able to utilize the whole house instead of being restricted to just my room. We don't have to hide our food in our room anymore. I get to choose trustworthy roommates and this makes me happy.

So for now, my future is kinda just floating in Limbo. Not sure what I want to do, but I am going through the motions of trying to be responsible with my money and applying for jobs just to show proof of trying.

I'll try to blog a bit more, get some shit off my chest. Because honestly, I have no excuse not to... I've got all the time in the fucking world.

Walk for Kids 2011

Team 'Pursuit of Happiness' was able to raise $800 for Ronald McDonald House Charities. There were 19 registered team members, three did not participate in the walk, but there were family members who were not able to sign up spouses or children because registration requires an email address (one registrant per address). I believe we counted that there were 23 participants in the walk.

Erin and I before the walk. We didn't end up walking until 8:50 which sucks because it was supposed to start at 8 a.m.

BACK ROW: Johnny, (my brother Brandon's girlfriend - Victoria?), cousin Eduardo, Mommy, Ray, brother Andrew, Erin and Dustin.

MIDDLE ROW: Aunt Laurie (behind the green sweater), brother Brandon, cousin Amanda, (Eduardo's girlfriend), uncle Aaron, (I think the ball of hair behind me is cousin Alyssa) and Trisha (Stuart's cousin, wife to Dustin behind her).

FRONT ROW: Cousin Sarah, uncle Mike, cousin Lilly, cousin Cynthia, Me and Danielle.

NOT SHOWN: Aunt Angie and team members Joy J., Chantal L. and Trisha's sister-in-law (?) who also was unable to make it.

So here's the team. Lots of friends and family showed up. Some returners and a lot of new comers! Happily it seems like the newcomers are excited to participate again next year. I bought name tags and wrote our team name on them and I think if we can pull together next year and make a team of 40, I'd like to make some signs or a banner and nicer name tags. :D Wouldn't that be great?! We also went to breakfast afterwards as a team (a large portion participated in this).

Here is the shirt I got for raising an individual amount over $100.

I realize it's a silly thing to get excited about, but I really like this shirt. Not only is it NOT white (I hate white shirts, the only ones I have are free ones from events), it's made of amazingly soft material. Like it has a higher thread count than regular event shirts. Amazing.

End result: Next year we are going bigger. ;)

Mary Kay kinda day!

I received my order of Mary Kay today. Of which, 25% was donated to Camp Ronald McDonald including a few other orders placed with Chantal. She decided the best way to raise money for the Walk for Kids 2011 was to allow people to buy something for themselves and also feel good about donating to a good cause. So here is what I got:

This is Lavender Fog. I also purchased Moonstone (a cream color - not goldish like it kinda appears in this photo) and thought they'd both go well with the Sweet Plum (dark purple) I already had.

This Mary Kay compact is something I already had from a previous purchase. The left section is magnetic, perfect for putting together whatever color scheme you want that you use daily (or just that day, then switch them out!) and I really suggest it. Mary Kay makes blush or lip color in these little dishes that would fit under the length of these shadows and a small blush brush that would fit in the compartment on the right. However I have purchased an eyebrow kit (super teeny tiny) to put there for eyebrow touchups. The lip gloss shown is also a previous purchase called Goldrush.

I also bought this.

I wanted a lip color that had more staying power than lip gloss but wasn't dry like I find some lipsticks to be (granted, I don't really own lipstick, but whatever). This Mary Kay product is liquid lip color and is pretty much in between lip gloss (it's not glossy, but it's still liquid) and it's not dry and doesn't emphasize my dry, cracked lips.

It's a pale pink and I actually like it. I think it will go good with the few times I wear pink eyeshadow. I'm thinking of buying the next darker shade. :D

Another purchase I'm excited about is this roll up makeup bag.

It was like $30 but I'm sure it will clear up some shelf space and would be nice to put my bathroom stuff in and just carry the bag to the bathroom (because I do not keep my things in the shower with these roommates - if I don't trust my food in their fridge, I don't trust my cleaning products in their bathroom).

And here's a nice surprise:

Chantal also ordered some thank you gifts for a few of her customers. It's a super cute mini brush bag that came with these brushes:

Four pretty common brushes. This is pretty rad because this little bag coupled with the Mary Kay compact I have, I pretty much have everything I need in my purse to do my makeup. Wowzah.

Today's makeup

I felt like sharing today's makeup:

This might be the first time I have put a light color closer to the lid line and a dark one above it. I like. :D

Uncertainty

Watching: How I Met Your Mother

It is 5:30 a.m. as I begin to type this. I went to bed around midnight, woke up around 2 a.m. and tossed and turned for about an hour before I got up to take my laptop to the living room (where someone was watching the above noted television shows).

In the last 2 weeks I got off my anti-depressant meds and I was so proud of myself because I don't wanna be dependent on pills my whole life. I thought it was going well, and last week I was sick (cough/cold) and was in a bad mood and I upset a friend but I blamed my bad mood on my illness and being cooped up with no one to hang out with. But today my mood was everywhere. I was in a great mood this morning, felt good about myself and had plans and I even called to tell my mom that I love her (I rarely do that - sad, I know), but when I got to work my mood declined.

I was jittery because of the coffee and lack of food I had, I was on the verge of crying multiple times (I welled up a few times) and I felt like puking. I wanted to come home and truly cry, but Stuart had friends over and I had already locked the confused overflow of emotions away.

During the worst of the evening I got a thought in my head that made me well up real bad - maybe this was all coming upon me because I was off my meds. Maybe I need my meds. Maybe I'll be on meds my whole life. My cousin eased my nerves by saying that just because I find that I'm not ok without meds, doesn't mean I've failed or am weak, it just means that I need some help. And at least I know that the help works. But I'm not willing to call it quits yet. I'm going to consider this to be just a bad week.

But on a light note, I had an amazing night with Erin the other night at Burlesque Bingo which is basically a Burlesque show where the girls dance on a large Bingo board and drop their clothes on numbers. I was so excited when I heard about that. I've always wanted to see a Burlesque show and this was pretty close. The venue it was at was NOT prepared for something like this and it was sad because the show probably could have been great. I then found out there are Burlesque classes in Riverside ($200 I'd never spend on it, but just know it's an option is nice) AND that there is a free workshop in May at CSUSB for Burlesque. I wonder if I can get someone to go to that with me. I was thinking of asking Joyousenne because she's a student, but we never got around to going to the Harry Potter thingy at U of R and that makes me sad.