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Award winning poem of the past

2011-09-19T11:46:00.001-07:00

I need to share this so that it will never get lost again. I wrote this in 2003, senior in high school. I submitted it in 2007 to my college literary magazine. It was accepted and then won first place. I was asked to read it in front of an audience. While I don't write anymore, I still think back on this accomplishment and remember how honored I felt and felt deserving of it (rather than those poetry contests where everyone wins and you're like 'serious? I submitted that ironically'). People I showed it to said that I was brave for writing this and brave for reading this and I'm definitely glad I did. So here is my poem.

Deeper

I am from a childhood caught on tape
bathing, giggling, teething.
I am from a Stater Brother's backyard
combing a dolls hair on the kitchen floor.
I am from the yellow brick road
and Pee-Wee's word-of-the-day.
I am from sitting at the kitchen counter
after three hours and cold pea soup.
I am from singing and laughing,
from tickling and smiling.
I am from one to another.
I am from church;
God's palm in one hand, junior bible in the other.
I am from Christmas Eve afternoon: step-dad's family.
I am from Christmas Eve night: Mom's family.
I am from Christmas morning: our house.
I am from Christmas afternoon: Daddy's house.
It's enough to break a child.
I am from watching children's hands
bloom red under and angry ruler.
It's enough to break a child.
I am from stories of overturned cars,
just one I cared for.
I am from stories told different ways
blaming different people.
It's enough to break a child.
I am from the loss of the only one I had.
It's enough to break anyone.
I am from salty pillowcases and troubled nights.
I am from wrong being right being wrong
Which always was.
I am from secrets, shhh, secrets.
It's enought to break a child.
I am from "I love you"
I am from "I love you" and I don't believe it anymore.
It's enough to break a child.
I am from anger around me where
I place myself.
I am from nightmare's of enjoyed rape
and awaken with the urge to empty my stomach in the toilet.
It's enough to break a child.
I am from somewhere you can't go
because I built it and stay there, in here.
It's enough to break a child.
I am from a mother who thinks she understands
because she found the secret.
I hate it.
It's enough to break a child.
They scream, they yell, they cuss, I cry
to myself. "Don't you dare let them see."
It's enough to break a child.
I am from breaking so many times,
yet the pieces will not fall. They sit,
hang, pull, but will not fall.
It's enough to break a child.
Broken would be better than this place I've trapped myself.
Just a child.
(3.17.03)

Update on life

2011-09-12T18:12:00.000-07:00

Listening to: Flyleaf (Grooveshark.com)

I haven't blogged in months and there was a lot that was missed.
(This is us at California Adventure) Krys (an ex) came to visit earlier in the year and while we only scheduled to see each other once, she ended up extending her trip and I got to see her multiple times, including going to karaoke with her father and soon-to-be step-mother. I enjoyed that time.

(us at Little Tokyo in Los Angeles, I really like this picture)
(us tinted blue because we're at the Aquarium of the Pacific).

Went on a week vacation with Stuart and his family and extended family. I really enjoyed it despite the fact that I was worried I'd be smothered by socializing. I got a new car one week before the trip to be sure we didn't have any car problems driving out there (to Arizona/Utah - Lake Powell). I said I probably wouldn't be going next year because of the cost... but I honestly think if Stuart wants to, I'd like to go again. I enjoyed his family and extended family and I believe they enjoyed me as well.

Within the span of a month, the general manager at my work was laid off (the position was no longer necessary), one co-worker put in his two-week notice with the intention of returning to school, then three other co-workers, one after the other, put in their resignation with other jobs lined up. I festered, angry I couldn't go anywhere because I had no skills (and I couldn't get a job doing what I already was because it turns out our company doesn't use industry standard programs), I watched the ONE news reporter we had bend and fold under pressure, I saw our ONE sports reporter scramble to create a sports section he only became familiar with a few months prior and I saw panic and confusion seep through our tiny building.

In August an announcement was made; Pagination department was being moved to another location about 30-45minutes away. I was given the opportunity to keep my job (for no extra pay) or be laid off. I chose to be laid off. Before I chose, I cried. This was the third time I was being laid off and I'd promised myself I wouldn't come back after strike 3. That meant it was over for real this time. My future was a big lump of uncertainty, but I was certain that our company wasn't doing well and my position had no room for advancement, and since I'd been quietly musing to myself for months how wonderful it would be for them to lay me off so that I could look for another job while getting paid and not having to stress over the company woes anymore, it was really time to leave.

I signed up to be a consultant for Scentsy (www.nicholeo.scentsy.us) and so far I'm enjoying it. I feel I've been successful but I think it's just the initial pumped up start and won't keep this pace forever. It's occupying some of my endless free time and that's what I need. Still no answers back on resume's, but I won't start freaking out about that until 3 months of unemployment.

Regarding my living situation; in August Stuart and I left the 'Scum Mansion' to rent my old childhood home (still owned by my parents). We are living with Joyousenne, whom I've known since I was 19, and another couple who will be moving out at the end of October (otherwise there will be lots of tension). I'm enjoying it, being able to utilize the whole house instead of being restricted to just my room. We don't have to hide our food in our room anymore. I get to choose trustworthy roommates and this makes me happy.

So for now, my future is kinda just floating in Limbo. Not sure what I want to do, but I am going through the motions of trying to be responsible with my money and applying for jobs just to show proof of trying.

I'll try to blog a bit more, get some shit off my chest. Because honestly, I have no excuse not to... I've got all the time in the fucking world.

Walk for Kids 2011

2011-04-12T12:17:00.000-07:00

Team 'Pursuit of Happiness' was able to raise $800 for Ronald McDonald House Charities. There were 19 registered team members, three did not participate in the walk, but there were family members who were not able to sign up spouses or children because registration requires an email address (one registrant per address). I believe we counted that there were 23 participants in the walk.

Erin and I before the walk. We didn't end up walking until 8:50 which sucks because it was supposed to start at 8 a.m.

BACK ROW: Johnny, (my brother Brandon's girlfriend - Victoria?), cousin Eduardo, Mommy, Ray, brother Andrew, Erin and Dustin.

MIDDLE ROW: Aunt Laurie (behind the green sweater), brother Brandon, cousin Amanda, (Eduardo's girlfriend), uncle Aaron, (I think the ball of hair behind me is cousin Alyssa) and Trisha (Stuart's cousin, wife to Dustin behind her).

FRONT ROW: Cousin Sarah, uncle Mike, cousin Lilly, cousin Cynthia, Me and Danielle.

NOT SHOWN: Aunt Angie and team members Joy J., Chantal L. and Trisha's sister-in-law (?) who also was unable to make it.

So here's the team. Lots of friends and family showed up. Some returners and a lot of new comers! Happily it seems like the newcomers are excited to participate again next year. I bought name tags and wrote our team name on them and I think if we can pull together next year and make a team of 40, I'd like to make some signs or a banner and nicer name tags. :D Wouldn't that be great?! We also went to breakfast afterwards as a team (a large portion participated in this).

Here is the shirt I got for raising an individual amount over $100.

I realize it's a silly thing to get excited about, but I really like this shirt. Not only is it NOT white (I hate white shirts, the only ones I have are free ones from events), it's made of amazingly soft material. Like it has a higher thread count than regular event shirts. Amazing.

End result: Next year we are going bigger. ;)

Mary Kay kinda day!

2011-04-07T23:55:00.000-07:00

I received my order of Mary Kay today. Of which, 25% was donated to Camp Ronald McDonald including a few other orders placed with Chantal. She decided the best way to raise money for the Walk for Kids 2011 was to allow people to buy something for themselves and also feel good about donating to a good cause. So here is what I got:

This is Lavender Fog. I also purchased Moonstone (a cream color - not goldish like it kinda appears in this photo) and thought they'd both go well with the Sweet Plum (dark purple) I already had.

This Mary Kay compact is something I already had from a previous purchase. The left section is magnetic, perfect for putting together whatever color scheme you want that you use daily (or just that day, then switch them out!) and I really suggest it. Mary Kay makes blush or lip color in these little dishes that would fit under the length of these shadows and a small blush brush that would fit in the compartment on the right. However I have purchased an eyebrow kit (super teeny tiny) to put there for eyebrow touchups. The lip gloss shown is also a previous purchase called Goldrush.

I also bought this.

I wanted a lip color that had more staying power than lip gloss but wasn't dry like I find some lipsticks to be (granted, I don't really own lipstick, but whatever). This Mary Kay product is liquid lip color and is pretty much in between lip gloss (it's not glossy, but it's still liquid) and it's not dry and doesn't emphasize my dry, cracked lips.

It's a pale pink and I actually like it. I think it will go good with the few times I wear pink eyeshadow. I'm thinking of buying the next darker shade. :D

Another purchase I'm excited about is this roll up makeup bag.

It was like $30 but I'm sure it will clear up some shelf space and would be nice to put my bathroom stuff in and just carry the bag to the bathroom (because I do not keep my things in the shower with these roommates - if I don't trust my food in their fridge, I don't trust my cleaning products in their bathroom).

And here's a nice surprise:

Chantal also ordered some thank you gifts for a few of her customers. It's a super cute mini brush bag that came with these brushes:

Four pretty common brushes. This is pretty rad because this little bag coupled with the Mary Kay compact I have, I pretty much have everything I need in my purse to do my makeup. Wowzah.

Today's makeup

2011-04-06T17:35:00.001-07:00

I felt like sharing today's makeup:

This might be the first time I have put a light color closer to the lid line and a dark one above it. I like. :D

Uncertainty

2011-04-01T05:25:00.000-07:00

Watching: How I Met Your Mother

It is 5:30 a.m. as I begin to type this. I went to bed around midnight, woke up around 2 a.m. and tossed and turned for about an hour before I got up to take my laptop to the living room (where someone was watching the above noted television shows).

In the last 2 weeks I got off my anti-depressant meds and I was so proud of myself because I don't wanna be dependent on pills my whole life. I thought it was going well, and last week I was sick (cough/cold) and was in a bad mood and I upset a friend but I blamed my bad mood on my illness and being cooped up with no one to hang out with. But today my mood was everywhere. I was in a great mood this morning, felt good about myself and had plans and I even called to tell my mom that I love her (I rarely do that - sad, I know), but when I got to work my mood declined.

I was jittery because of the coffee and lack of food I had, I was on the verge of crying multiple times (I welled up a few times) and I felt like puking. I wanted to come home and truly cry, but Stuart had friends over and I had already locked the confused overflow of emotions away.

During the worst of the evening I got a thought in my head that made me well up real bad - maybe this was all coming upon me because I was off my meds. Maybe I need my meds. Maybe I'll be on meds my whole life. My cousin eased my nerves by saying that just because I find that I'm not ok without meds, doesn't mean I've failed or am weak, it just means that I need some help. And at least I know that the help works. But I'm not willing to call it quits yet. I'm going to consider this to be just a bad week.

But on a light note, I had an amazing night with Erin the other night at Burlesque Bingo which is basically a Burlesque show where the girls dance on a large Bingo board and drop their clothes on numbers. I was so excited when I heard about that. I've always wanted to see a Burlesque show and this was pretty close. The venue it was at was NOT prepared for something like this and it was sad because the show probably could have been great. I then found out there are Burlesque classes in Riverside ($200 I'd never spend on it, but just know it's an option is nice) AND that there is a free workshop in May at CSUSB for Burlesque. I wonder if I can get someone to go to that with me. I was thinking of asking Joyousenne because she's a student, but we never got around to going to the Harry Potter thingy at U of R and that makes me sad.

I love the fake feeling of being a good cook

2011-03-22T19:53:00.000-07:00

Watching: Stuart play video games

I made an AMAZING meal today. And by 'made' I mean that I preheat the oven and stuck this in there.

Fresh & Easy makes me feel like an accomplished 'house wife' (just the cooking part) without the work. I got this cheese-stuffed chicken wrapped in smoked bacon for under $7 (for two pieces) and some buttered asparagus and TADAH! Delicious meal to please my guy! He complimented it just as if I had made it myself. Thank you Fresh & Easy. <3

Look, happy boyfriend. <3

Fun-filled weekend

2011-03-02T22:32:00.000-08:00

Watching: I Used to be Fat

Today was a productive day and I feel accomplished. I went to get my oil changed, walked to my dentist appointment where I got my permanent bottom retainer wire removed, walked to get lunch since my car wasn't done yet, did laundry and wrote some penpal letters! I got quite a few replies to my 'who wants a letter?' facebook post and because of that, because I expect to be getting replies and writing more, I also ordered personalized stamps with Stryker on it. :D

I have Friday-Sunday off work. The plan is to see Igor Spectre on all three of their tour dates. One at House of Blues Anaheim, HoB Los Angeles and The Vault in Temecula. Danielle is going to all three shows with me and so is her brother and Serena. Not only is that enough to be a fun-filled weekend, but I was able to get two tickets to a recording of Drag U Friday afternoon and I'm taking my cousin Sarah.

It's going to be an exciting weekend.

Arizona

2011-03-02T20:11:00.000-08:00

Watching: Hoarding

Since my last blog post I've been to Arizona for my second vacation. I visited Amy Parker, a gal I met online almost 5 years ago on Gaiaonline.com (a chat thread I frequent - everyday) as well as her son Dallas who is a very well-behaved four-year-old boy. We had some great fun; watching movies at her house, took her to experience hookah for the first time (she got sick though, wah), visited the Arizona Wildlife World Zoo & Aquarium and had a BLAST at karaoke.

I also took an unexpected visit to my old neighbor Julie who is attending college at ASU which was only a 40 minute drive from Amy's house. We went to Whattaburger to which neither of us had been to before.

My final visit was to my cousin Sarah where I also met her finace. We watched a lot of Netflix and had dinner.

Overall I was very please with myself on this trip. I was nervous about flying alone, but I did it. I rented a car and navigated around Arizona very well on my own (well, with lots of help from mapquest) and it was a great experience.

I will post more photos once the film is developed.

Lady's got a brand new bag!

2011-02-16T19:17:00.000-08:00

That's right! Me. I've got a brand new bag. Mega Messenger/Laptop bag to be more specific.

Yes, it looks quite a bit big on me, but any laptop bag would. This bag was made to my specifications by Candy Glendening who's business, Candied Fabrics has seemed to have taken off in the last few years. She starts with her hand-dyed fabrics and creates from them scarves (silk), totes, purses, clutches, even journal covers (and more!). She allows her customers to personalize every inch of the bag which in my case even included the size of the inside pockets (there's a pocket for a pen or pencil and a slightly thicker pocket for my slightly thicker than usual lipgloss) as well as the exact dyed purple fabric patch.

I chose the flower on the front - an Echinacea.

I chose the 'squigglies' (her technical term is 'fiddlehead') for the side cell phone pocket.

To further personalize her bags, Candy gives her customers the option to stitch their names on their bag. Odd as it may sound, I find it kind of weird to see or hear my name so I didn't want that but I still wanted to make it personalized in that way. So I decided a great idea was to choose one word that could be a positive reminder to me every time I opened my bag. And so I chose:

Generosity. Candy liked the idea. So there you have it. My very awesome, very sturdy, very ME bag.

There are some more photos that she put together for her blog that I'll share:

HERE

Now, it wasn't cheap and I really did fight myself over it for a while. I caught my first glance of Candy's work at the Orange Muffin Festival in Redlands (urgghh... old people) I believe back in early 2010 or even late 2009, I forget. But I couldn't bring myself to spend that much money on something like a bag. I'd read her blog and see her in our paper every so often. Then I saw that she made Natalie, a line dance instructor I had, a laptop bag. Then I saw Candy in a photo in our paper the same week. And THEN as I was composing an email to Candy to tell her I think it was time for me to give in to my urges (after having talked it over with Chantal - she said I deserved a present to myself - 'go for it'), my co-worker Joy said something out loud about her. Cur-azy! So all that kinda sealed the deal.

I will still look at it and say "God, I can't believe I spent that much" but she let me know that the bag she's using now has held strong in the past year and she uses it often, so hopefully in a year I'll look at it and say 'damn, you're still here, you're still beautiful and now I see you're worth the money I spent on you.' And then I'll probably hug it. Because that's what I do (I guess I'll have to start hugging things now).

Unfortunately the next week is when our work told us our pay is being cut 5.5% but oh-effing-well. Got the bag, it's cool and I gave her a deadline so that I could have it just in time for my flight to AZ which is this coming week. I'm taking one overhead luggage bag and my laptop bag and that's it. I'm still worried about what to take and not take, but I guess I'll deal with that a little later. I set up a date to rent a car so that's taken care of now.

E.yes L.ips F.ace - mo more

2011-02-12T22:27:00.000-08:00

Watching - Adult Swim

I made a makeup purchase from elf a few weeks ago. I got in last week. I got:

Eyelash curler

Eyelid primer

Concealer/highlighter duo

All over color stick (Golden Peach)

Liquid eyeshadow (Mocha Madness & Misty Mauve)

I haven't used the curler yet.

The primer actually works really well and I'm pleased with it.

The under eye concealer doesn't seem to really do anything for me, the highlighter isn't too bad. I used it under my eyebrows, above the eyelid primer.

The all over color stick has a nice shimmer to it but I'd rather use blush. I haven't found a good spot to put it on my face yet. The thing I like most about it is that it smells like peach. Like a lot. :P

And now the liquid eyeshadow. The Misty Mauve is the only one I got to try.

I don't like it much because it's a bit too shimmery. The whole of it seems too reflective. It's also thick. It feels like I've sprayed my eyelid with hairspray. If it was just a little thicker, I think I could peel it off my eyelid. It's a little uncomfortable just because my eyes aren't used to something so heavy being on the eyelids.

I didn't get to try the Mocha Madness...

...because it came to me with the cardboard backing seperate from the package and there was even some makeup on the outside of the cap. Also, the makeup inside looked a little less than that included in Misty Mauve.

And now the main reason for this blog. Here's the email elf and I went back and forth on and the reason I won't buy from them again.

ME: I received a package from elf as my very first purchase. In it I received all the items I ordered, however one of the liquid eyeshadows (Mocha Madness) was separated from it's cardboard backing and looks like there is less in it than the second liquid eyeshadow (Misty Mauve) that I ordered in the same shipment. Here is a photo. The twist off cap/wand has what looks to be some of the Mocha Madness color on the outside. I don't know if I can request a new Mocha Madness be sent to me because I fear that this one may possibly have been opened and used.
elf: We apologize for items missing/damaged item from your order. We have issued a refund on your credit card and are very sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused.
ME: Is it possible for a replacement to be sent to me? By refunding $1, it is refunding the money I spent on the item, however I bought multiple items from elf in order to make the shipping cost to be what I considered worth it. I don't feel that paying a few dollars for shipping on a $1 item that I had already ordered and had shipped to me is something I would ever do. I was really upset when I found my item opened but was told elf's customers service is good. Of course getting $1 back makes me happy but now I'm left without that one item I ordered and don't feel confident enough spending more money on more products to make the shipping worth it again just to find out that this may possibly happen again. If I could get an unopened Mocha Madness liquid eyeshadow sent to me I will feel more confident in elf and its customer service, likely purchase from you again and let my friends and blog followers know.
Thank you.
elf:Thank you for your order with e.l.f. Cosmetics.
Unfortunately, at this time due to a high volume of orders, we are unable to ship you those items. It is our policy to make sure you are credited for all items missing from your shipment.
We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you.
Thank you for your patience and understanding.

I got $1 back but I'm not going to spend like $3 to have a new one shipped to me and because I'm not confident in their customer service and don't want this to happen again with an order from them, I won't be making anymore orders to elf.

Chantal & Nichole go to Solvang (and Little Tokyo)

2011-02-07T10:51:00.000-08:00

The night before our vacation our company decided to let us know that most employees who make more than $10/hr will be getting a 5.5% pay cut that will be reflected in our March paycheck. So that was bummer news that caused me to drink a little more than I would have that night. I had some friends over and didn't end up going to sleep until probably 1am while I set my alarm for 6 am.

Usually when I drink I end up waking up early, but this time was a little ridiculous. 4:45am is when I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. So I got up and started packing in the dark so Stuart could continue to sleep. I even half assed-ly did my makeup with the low light of the rising sun behind the curtains.

Chantal came to pick me up, we stopped at Staters so I could get some orange juice and another beverage to hold me over for the 3 hour drive that included chits and chats and me playing my CD's for Chantal.

The first thing we did in Solvang was eat. We parked right in front of a damn sock shop and I was freaking out because socks are my weakness (a bond Kevin and I share) but I was able to tell myself there would be time for socks after sausage. We had a pretty yummy sausage and meatball lunch with red cabbage and mashed potatoes and gravy.

We stuffed ourselves and headed to the sock store where we spent like 20minutes and I bought one pair that was $13. :( Why do super cute socks have to be stupidly expensive? I also dropped a few bucks on these items:

Sweater (matching, Chantal has one too).

This is a purchase I was excited about because it's apparently a $60 sweater that was on sale and lowered even more because I did that 'text this number and get $5 off' deal and got this Izod sweater (big deal according to Chantal) for less than $6.

Shoes (that match the sweater, great $3.50 find)

That's Stuart's big foot. I took this the day after I came back from the trip.

Scented candle (no photo needed, boring candle)

Three inspiring key charms and a key ring holder thingy-ma-bob

After all the walking around and shopping we went to a small wine store and did some wine tasting. I had some sweet desert wines. Decided it was time to go to our hotel but made a stop at some plant/garden/accessories for Chantal (which she called her mom to tell her about the place they've never been to before). Then we made a stop at the emu/ostrich farm.

Oh that was fun. :D I think Chantal was still feeling her wine tasting because she was pretty giggly. We fed them with a big plastic bowl that was glued to a metal dustpan which we were told to hold tightly to the handle with both hands because, and sure enough, the emu would bite the bowl and try to take the whole thing away.

It was here that we chose to take our Facts Around the World photos that we hope will go in the newspaper. I like how our vacation was in Solvang but we take it at the emu farm. :P

So we both took turns feeding them and taking photos. I even stole some extra food from one of the feeders where there were no emus so we could keep feeding them.

I ended up buying some Ostrich jerky and a cute purple bow headband with what I'm assuming is an ostrich feather on it.

We then went to our hotel, checked in, found information on a close wine tasting vineyard, I looked up directions on my laptop and we set off on a 20min drive only to find out that we were too late. :( They close at 5 but the last wine tasting is at 4:45. DOH! We were like one minute too late.

So we went to dinner at the Anderson's Pea Soup restaurant (I ordered veal which I wasn't pleased with, it was quite bland) and then back to the room to drink some alcohol she brought from home and watch television in bed ... at like 8pm haha. I was pooped from lack of sleep.

At this time an amazingly funny thing happened. Chantal revealed to me, and herself, a 13-year blonde moment had be realized. A Kay Jewelers commercial came on and ended with their slogan jingle - 'every kiss begins with Kay.' Chantal said "I've been kissed plenty of times and I've never gotten jewelry!" I told her 'so kiss doesn't begin with K' and after a silent pause she had her 'aha' moment. Kiss DOES begin with the letter K and that's the play on words that the slogan is founded on! Hoorah! Everyone give Chantal a pat on the back. :D We laughed for a bit. Good times. It deserved a laugh.

So the next morning I felt so bloated and gross and I realized it was because I hadn't farted at all the day before because Chantal doesn't like natural bodily functions like that. I was burping the night before but that's because I had a bubbly Mike's Hard Lemonade. Hard not to burp. But I wanted to point out to her that I didn't poop in her presence. I pooped at the restaurant and didn't fart. And I was bloated with gas! Lordy.

We went back to Solvang for some Ableskevers and coffee and headed out on the road back.

We had planned to stop in Little Tokyo on the way back so I could let her experience something new. We had lunch at Shabu Shabu, a restaurant where they provide you with thinly cut slices of beef and some veggies and noodles and a bowl of boiling water where you cook the food yourself.

It was better than the first time I ate here because I was able to put some hot spices on my beef and that gave it some nice flavor. This place is always busy. We waited for about 45minutes to be seated.

We also went shopping in my favorite Little Tokyo store, not sure what it's called, but they have lots of cute little things and I picked up some stationary, panda cookies and ramune.

Before leaving we also got a pastry snack. The name I do no know but it is basically a red bean paste in the center of a fluffy pancake batter num-nums.

The only other time I've eaten this was at the Buddhist temple I went to a few years ago in CA and I loved it there too.

And that was the end of our adventurous trip!

BTW, Walmart doesn't have 1hr developing anymore and I'm sure no place does. I took my camera in to get it developed and it will take a whole week so I'll update this post with more photos when I get that back.

EDIT: Here's more photos!

Up and at it

2011-01-30T12:30:00.001-08:00

Watching: Stuart play Dead Space II

Check it out! I'm in a fantastic mood and actually FEEL like blogging for a second day in a row.

Yesterday's was due to an epiphany and today is because I woke up feeling pretty damn good about myself.

On my list of short-term goals was for me to do a minimum of 20 situps each morning and not to sleep any more than 8hrs. I achieved both of those. I eventually want to start doing more situps, but for now it's painful doing 20 because it hurts my lower back. I think I should buy some sort of pad for those.

I even had an apple for breakfast before going off to do my taxes. I left a little too early so I stopped by Fresh & Easy and got some flavored hummus I'd been meaning to get as well as some mini bagels. Charles, my tax guy, noted how I look like I've lost weight. God I love it when people say that! We discussed that and what we did to get where we are (because he said he'd lost some weight too). I had a feeling of confidence. Charles is pretty easy to talk to and I enjoyed the conversation.

Stuart and I went to the gym last night for the first time. There was no one there. :D I did about 45mins of cardio (I wanted to do an hour but I accidentally hit stop and didn't know what time I left off at) and did a few leg exercise machines. I'm a little sad that they don't have the crunch 'table' that we had at the school gym where you basically lay down on a bench and do sit ups but there's a bar part to keep your feet down). There's a crunch machine where you sit in it like a chair and I guess are supposed to pull the arm levers down and the leg levers up as if in a crunch, but I don't like it as much. I read The Spark while I was briskly walking. :D Productive day.

Putting one foot in front of the other

2011-01-29T23:47:00.000-08:00

Reading: The Spark

I want to start off by saying I bought The Spark (a book). I feel so accomplished to be reading for leisure!

I'll move on to say that in the last month, the month I've been waiting for the gym to open, I've gained 2 pounds. I'm a little disappointed but because of The Spark, I've written down my goals; Long-term, middle and short. My long-term goal, of course, is to lose weight - specifically to get down to at least 130lbs and maintain it. My mid-term goal in relation to that is more specific. There are 22 weeks until the fourth of July weekend which is when the Anime Expo is (a convention that I go to every year). I've never dressed up before because all anime characters a) skinny as heck and b) have far larger breasts than myself. However, a crazy thought got into my head this week; I want to dress up as LeeLo from The Fifth Element. 'But in order to do that you can't have a hanging gut!' I reminded myself. There's no way I can look that good for a costume that shows some of my stomach. But I counted it out today and 22 weeks is plenty of time! So my crazy thought isn't so crazy after all. I was thinking it was an obsurd goal that was a long shot but finding out the reality of those numbers,... I can really do this! Now, I have no idea if being 130lbs is going to get me a flat stomach, but if anything, by following this plan I'll be 130lbs by July, and that makes me incredibly excited and eager to jump on this plan. I have a lump in my throat typing this out.

In a personality test I took last year the most frequent trait that revealed itself was my want to inspire and help others. The Spark says over and over how easy it is to inspire someone by working on yourself. It sounds selfish, but if you show others your progress, it's not selfish - it should be motivating.

So I'm finally starting the chapter of my life where I'm excited and hopeful - no, sure of myself - that I can lose this weight. And I already feel a sense of confidence and happiness just SAYING it. Imagine how I'll feel when I achieve it.

Little Miss Kitchen!

2011-01-26T21:28:00.000-08:00

Watching: Teen Mom 2

I found a chicken alfredo lasagna recipe on allrecipes.com and shared it with Chantal. She was eager to make it and made me eager to as well. I love alfredo sauce and I've never made lasagna before. She promised it wasn't hard. It actually wasn't but it took quite a few dishes. I hate washing dishes, haha. I had a few problems (because I used too big of a pan and didn't have enough ingredients to fill it) but it came out good!

Here's the recipe:

http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Lasagna-Alfredo/Detail.aspx

I messed up and bought only one jar of sauce, put the layer of chicken/alfredo with the spinach/ricotta. Since the pan was bigger and there wasn't enough ingredients so that means there wasn't enough cheeeessseee!!! Cheese is necessary.

Zodiac makeup entry

2011-01-25T19:34:00.000-08:00

Watching: American Dad

I entered a contest on Gaia in a makeup guild I joined recently. The contest was to put on makeup that portrays our zodiac sign. Here's my half ass entry (there are 9 prizes, only 8 entries including mine and it ends this month).

A slew of wonderful news

2011-01-25T16:18:00.000-08:00

Watching: Teen Mom 2, Mean Girls

Exciting things are happening!

Last night I got the result of a Kickstarter project I backed last year. I received The Word Project book, full of interesting words with equally interesting art from Polly who is skilled at Bricolage.

http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Word-Project-Odd-Obscure-Words-Illustrated/175777099125208

I also got a surprise. A necklace I ordered mid-last year that I ended up cancelling because the seller didn't contact me for over 2 months who then apologized (because she was absent due to being in the hospital) and said she'd send me a necklace free of charge. Of course since it was mid-2010 when all this went down, I'd forgotten. And so here is what I've got now.

The seller is Sneaky Fetus. Awesome stuff from an awesome name. :P

I had a doctor appointment this morning and we decided to taper myself off of my 'crazy pills' within the next two months. There is a 40% chance that I'll slip back into the depression that caused me to seek medicated aid, but my mother has always said I'm a lucky girl so I'm setting my sights high. I'd rather not be dependent on a drug for all my life, but of course if I do go back to being depressed then I'll be content being on drugs all my life. If my brain is broken and I have the tools to fix it and enjoy my life and allow others to enjoy me as well, then I shall.

Back to positive: The gym officially opened yesterday! Stuart and I are going to get our keys and photo taken and take a look around! I'm hoping we can start going together.

Had lunch with Chantal at the Old Spaghetti Factory and got a free coffee mug with a coupon I had from FaceBook and enjoyed some yummy yummy food. :D

Shooting backwards: I met up with an old high school friend Adam and met his beautiful wife. It was odd how fast her and I just started talking. It was a little awkward for me because I'm not very good at talking to strangers and I hadn't shared any conversation before this, but I quickly got passed that and I have a feeling they might be a nice couple to some sort of double dating. I don't have too many friends and out of those even less are in relationships so we haven't done much double dating. This might be a nice shift, right? Either double date or not, I'd really like to hang out with those two again. We had dinner at Denny's and went to BI (didn't get to do much dancing because we got there early and the dancing started later).

OH! And here's a new, fabulous photo of Stuart and I. My love. <3

Coastal Scents - I heart you

2011-01-22T16:20:00.001-08:00

Watching/Listening to: Nothing (gasp)

So I'll do a little review on the new makeup I got. Firstly, I LOVE the gel liner I got! I have yet to use the white yet because we all know I love lining my eyes with black. I have had a liner brush since I got the cream liner from Merle Norman YEARS ago and of course it is dried out and doesn't work like it should anymore, which is why I ordered it from Coastal Scents. It goes on so smooth, it's absolute black and a little dab goes a LONG way. I HIGHLY recommend this product if you're looking for something very dark to line your eyes with. And because it requires a thin liner brush, you can apply and thick or thin as you want, unlike cream or regular pencil liners that only allow you the option of how thick the point is (and the point always gets flattened out after a few uses).

True Black Gel Liner $6.95

I also ordered the dual end eyeshadow pencil that they were out of stock on my last order; Mystery Wand. It is a white and black. The black has a bit of white glitter in it. I haven't used this or the other pencil as eyeshadow, I've used this black one as a liner and the cream one I have for the inside corner of my eyes. I haven't used the white on this yet but using the black as a liner is alright but I find it's best paired with the gel liner for the corners of the eye (so you can get a clean line instead of that jagged one due to my eye blinking).

Dual End Eyeshadow Pencil $2.95

Because I was trying to get their deal of buy $25 get $5 off, I stocked up on some sample eyeshadows. All samples were $0.95 Here we go:

Apricot Mist - I don't see me using this often, but it looks like it will be a nice accent color.

Fairy Wings - I LOVE this. It makes a nice light accent color and I found myself using it as the main top color the last few days because it's light, doesn't take away focus on the main colors and is still a pretty addition.

Vampin' Red - It does NOT look like the photo. It's more of a black with lots of red glitter. I haven't used it yet but you know me and my black.

Odyssey - I haven't used it yet but it's pretty light. Like a natural color I might use just under my eyebrows.

Key Lime - Haven't used it and I don't really like the color green (and I think it's not right to wear green if you have green eyes) but I figured I'd get it to try green for once (despite having a pallet that has green in it).

I'd like to point out that these sample pots for less than $1 is quite a lot! I don't know what the size actually is, but here's a photo. Compare with my hand (reminder: my hands are a little smaller than most people). Of course it doesn't come full, not even half full, maybe a quarter full. But for powder that you're only going to use a little of, $0.95 is great. I haven't tried any wet, I'd like to try some powder wet at some point.

And here's a photo of some of the stuff I used today:

I used the pencil liner and used the gel liner to smooth out the corners, I used a red to line on top of that (which came from the pallet from my last order and honestly didn't go to well with the rest of it, but oh well), above that a pinkish color (also from the pallet), on top the Fairy Wings, the glittery corners is Hysteric from Sugarpill, some mascara (I like the lash blast fusion I have) and some eyebrow powder (I have a Paula Dorf 2 +1 powder and wax thingy).

Art = Love

2011-01-19T23:22:00.000-08:00

Watching: American Dad

I just HAD to come and blog about this right now. First of all, yesterday I was asking people in a Gaia art forum yesterday if they knew any artists who could draw Stryker for me. One had asked for a picture of her, I told her it was in my profile. I came back online today to find an GLORIOUS picture of ME riding Stryker! That's so cool! I've never had anyone draw ME me, only my avatar!!! The artists on Gaia are so amazing. Here is it:

And THEN, the same day (today) Krys spent hours creating a Sim version of me on her Sims2. And it looks FANTASTIC. The boobs are of course not my size, but Sims2 limits the options you have for body types:

Check that shit out, I have an Igor Spectre shirt on! And the decor of the room is pretty cool! I was completely overjoyed today. Wonderful surprises! SQUEEE!!!

OH! AND I got my Mighty Wallet yesterday...

http://www.dynomighty.com/product_detail.php?Mix-Tape-Mighty-Wallet%C2%AE&d=mighty-wallets+DY-507

and my shipment of makeup from Coastal Scents came in. I got quite a few sample sizes for less than $1.00 each (and it looks like quite a bit for a sample), some lip gloss, the shadow pencil I wanted that they were out of last time I ordered (it's white and black) and two gel liners (which I'm hoping work the way I want them to). Wow what a great Wednesday.

Bars, bags and Sim addiction

2011-01-12T15:04:00.000-08:00

Watching: History Channel (Nosradamus: 500 Years Later)

Firstly, I'd like to give a shout out to my peeps; Chantal, Joy, Kevin and Nigga Ray. On Saturday we did a Redlands bar crawl. Started out at Romano's (tried Dirty Bird but I could barely move there were so many people). Bethany was with us and Kevin's cousin Amir was also there. Started off great when a very short drunk woman began chatting with us, assumed Chantal and Amir were dating, Amir corrected her saying that they were engaged to marry in 2 months. I'm sure the conversation got better, but I missed the rest. We had some pizza and more drinks then made our way to the Falconer. Was there for... 15mins?

Moved on to Chucks Nuts for the gals to piss then on to The Underground (we ended up not making it to the Vault). They were having karaoke!!!!! Drank more, sang 'Hot Blooded' because I was pretty drunk and couldn't hold a real note for nothing. Good times.

On to something more current: today! I went to see Candy Glendening (of Candied Fabrics) to discuss the laptop/messenger bag I have commissioned her to do. It's going to cost almost $200 but I've reminded myself that not only is this a laptop bag that is cushioned to protect my laptop, but it has the ability to act like a purse and school bag at the same time. Also, we all know I love to wear/own thing that represent me and that I like to support handmade arts/crafts. One of the strongest convincers is that the quality of the material is great. It is a sturdy bag and it is going to be gorgeous and it is going to be me. And yet it's still a lot. I will get over it. Once I sent that first email letting Candy know that I was ready to have a bag made, I had committed to giving up my money.

On another note, I'm addicted to Sims3 (like I knew I would be). We know the story of me being upset by my aging Sim self and now I have another story to share.

I created a Sim Chantal. My goal with her was to find a rich man with a nice house, marry him, move in and have children. I moved her into the cheapest house and she began gardening in the backyard which eventually allowed her to quit her business job because 1. the bills are cheap 2. she can sell/eat what she grows 3. she has the ability to go out to eat for free at any time. So Sim Chanie found a guy, spent a lot of time with him and then one day I noticed it said he had a wife! He didn't have one before so during the time Parker and Chantal were considered in her relationship bar to be 'romantic interest,' Parker had gone off and gotten married to Holly! I was pretty pissed. (I finally went online to look up how to make a sim date/engage, so on to the next step). Parker came to Chantal's house, she romanced him until 'ask Parker to leave Holly' came up, his response was 'I guess you're right, it's not really working out for us.' Then they agreed to go steady. When Chantal proposed to Parker the next day, she was given the option to move. The default was for Parker to come live in her dinky place. Instead, I chose to move his parents out into Chantal's house, and move Chantal in with Parker (and 2 other people who already lived there). So yes, in only 2 days Sim Chantal ruined people's lives. HAHA! IRL Chantal says I made her a homewrecker... but whatever.

On a final note, I'm super excited to finally get a book from on of the Kickstarter projects I backed; The Word Project. Of course, photos will be posted when it arrives.

Sim seeps into RL

2011-01-07T11:19:00.000-08:00

Watching: 16 & Pregnant

I've been playing Sims 3 and like many others, the first family you make is your own. I haven't figured out how to get pets, if possible (besides goldfish), but it's Stuart and I. I started us off at young adult and was having fun with their daily life. Stuart got into a job of politics. Nichole started off there, quit to pursue a writing career, wrote a book then took a part time job at a bookstore while working on another book. I then went off and started a journalism job... but then something devastating happened. I got caught up in creating the perfect little life (which is what Sims is for, living out your dreams) for us that our birthday came and we became old whiteheads. :( I saw 'myself' age past 50, I had white hair and walked slowly. But what hurt the most is that I was unmarried and without child. I think this has unlocked a hidden fear; to grow old before marrying and having a child. I didn't want to HAVE a baby at that age (I'm sure a Sim can, but because it's a reflection of my perfect life, I wouldn't want to have a baby at that age), so I adopted. I called the adoption agency, said I wanted a baby boy... and they brought me a little black baby. Definitely not what I expected nor what I wanted.

So that's my little upset. Yes, it's a pretend game but I put my real self and Stuart into it. We were living together for 'years' as bf/gf and were now grey. That's crazy. That's something I hope that won't happen. Nah, I know it won't happen because I won't let it happen.

Heading into 2011

2010-12-31T16:28:00.000-08:00

Watching: Wild China (6 pt series)

It's Dec. 31, the day that is most known for making resolutions. I've never been a fan of making those but realized I do have some.

First of all, of course, is to reach my weight loss goal. That part I can see happening easily since I'm so close and had already made that a goal. So as my resolution I will draw from that and say that I resolve to remain conscious of what I eat and continue to make healthy decisions about what I put in my body. Alcohol is my weakness, but I think if I eat healthy and start a work out routine, I'll be in good shape.

Another resolution, like always, is to save money. The goal has always been to save money, but my resolution is to learn money management and utilize the skill and have my savings account reflect that. Before 2011 begins, I've already taken a great step to this because I'm registered for a personal finance class.

I will be going to Arizona to see an online friend I've never met yet have been in touch with for over 5 years. Amy Parker. In 2011, I'm taking advantage of 10-days furlough time and turning them into experiences. I will be visiting Amy and her son Dallas (and her husband and other housemates) and we will go out to karaoke. I will then go visit my cousin Sarah who is often in AZ to see her finace (or bf, but I think it's finace) and will be at that time. I bought my tickets a few days ago and so the motion of this plan has begun. This means I cannot turn back. I've chosen my days, I've got my ticket, now I need to collect information on what to pack, how to rent a car and remind myself through the whole thing that I'm brave enough to face my fear! I don't have a fear of flying, I have a fear of doing new things alone. So 2011 will be a big step with this event alone.

Also in my furlough schedule are 3 dates in a row in which Igor Spectre is playing a show each of those nights. So I'm sure everyone knows where I'll be. I used to be scared to go to Igor Spectre shows alone and I got over that. Hope for the future. ;)

Stuart and I are making a list of things we want to do together. We have gone to the aquarium and want to return. We also want to go to the wild animal park, zoo, la brea tar pits, the 'house built by a crazy lady' (he knew what I meant as soon as I said that) and others.

The Holidays - Pt I

2010-12-28T14:11:00.000-08:00

Watching: Hoarders

Stuart was more excited than I was about me getting my gifts. It was so cute. So when I finally opened my gifts from him I could see why. He got me a large hookah that I named Loch Ness aka Nessy because it's green. I can buy a different color bowl later if I want. He also got me Sims 3 for my laptop. I've played the game for a few hours and our characters have only 'woohoo'd once. :( Sorry Stuart, there just isn't enough time in the Sim day!

I got Stuart a zombie book, a phone charger/holder for his car, I'm going to buy him some new clothes that aren't plain black t-shirt and black dickies and also the 1-year gym membership that we can start using in January when the place opens. I'm very excited about that one. I feel like I need help in getting him clothes, but I haven't tried to buy him anything yet, so we will see how that goes. One day we'll go shopping together and I'll get to play boyfriend-dress up. :D

Stuart wasn't able to go to the family Christmas Eve party because he had to work, but he didn't make it to his family party either. :( And it turns out that the Domino's he works out got robbed that night! He was in the store getting ready to step out the door with some deliveries and a man came in with a gun and asked for the money. Stuart says if he would have left 5 seconds sooner, he wouldn't be caught up in there and it took 15 seconds to be over. As horrible as it is to be in a robbery (I have no experience, so I'm assuming), I'm glad Stuart was there. It seems it was just him and one other girl in the store and she had no experience with being robbed. Him being there was good for her.

So at the Christmas Eve party with my family everyone was saying how great I look (I was wearing the new shirt I bought the day before and it definitely did look really good on me) and how much slimmer I look. That was a wonderful gift. It is a gift that can last longer than it took to say those words because I am really fueled to continue with my progress. Did I mention I got my hurr did?

I really can't believe how well I've done. I started at 175lbs when I started my gym class in July. It's the end of December and I've weighed in at 149lbs. I feel like I've gotten better eating habits. In the last few months I've had maybe 3 hamburgers. I stick to chicken. I've been eating a lot of soup and since I was counting calories for a few months, I know what items are lower calories at fast food places so I take that into account. Every time I go to Wendy's I get the grilled chicken sandwich that is less than 400cal.

So I was invited to Chantal's mother's house for Christmas morning but because I wasn't going to be able to go to Stuart's family Christmas Eve party, I had to cancel and go to Stuart's parents brunch. I really wanted to go to Chantal's because her mother and brother just sound so interesting, but I did want to give Stuart's parents their presents and I really like them and love feeling like I'm working on our relationship.

Tangent: Cuddling up with Stuart recently, I asked him if he would take care of me. He asked me why wouldn't I want to take care of myself. The next day I watched a comedian say that women only want someone to take care of them. So while I was a little hurt that Stuart's reply wasn't "I want to take care of you," I came to realize that Stuart doesn't see it from my angle. By 'take care of me' I don't mean that I want him to pay for everything and stay at home and do nothing. I want to work, I want to be accomplished but I can't help thinking about how nice it would be to living alone with Stuart, Stryker and a puppy in our own 2bdrm/1ba house, him taking me out to dinner on a whim, being married... it's just a girl thing! I think that's it. It just must be a woman thing to want to 'be taken care of.'

Christmas morning I enjoyed brunch with Stuart's parents and sold my old laptop to my brother Brandon. He apparently broke my mom's laptop so my previous quote of '$50, I'm just kidding' came to be a reality because it wasn't just for my brother. I found out later that my brother Andrew, who got a new laptop last Christmas, hasn't been using his because it's broken! If I was my mother I'd be pissed (and I'm sure she was pissed when she found out).

On the day after Christmas 'the group' (Chantal, Joy, Kevin) and I went to Chanie's house for our holiday meal. She made beef boul... stew, some goopy chocolate desert :P and I brought some broccoli casserole. We exchanged gifts. I got the necklace I had my eye on (and had told Chantal) and a purple flower clip from Chantal, I got some stickers from Joy AND an awesome Tom Petty tour shirt.

So there's those gifts and here's some stuff I got from other folks over the weekend: striped toe socks with a monkey on it, Forever 21 giftcard, $125, soaps/perfumes and a bracelet.

I'm really excited for New Year's Day. My friend Charlie is down from Vegas and he says he'll come to Brandin' Iron (I kinda think he's gunna flake) and Joy and her dancing friends will be there too. I have nothing planned for New Year Eve, but I kinda want to do something with Stuart since our anniversary is the next day and I won't really be spending it with him. It sounds weird but we really don't do anything on our anniversary. I think it has to do with the fact that we already spent so much on presents. We will see, now won't we?

Make up

2010-12-17T13:34:00.000-08:00

Listening to: Tik-takking of keyboards around me (at work)

Here's my Sugarpill makeup:

I used all the colors I bought (Stella, Hysteria, Passion Plum) including the sample (Junebug) for the inner corners.

This one is some purples I already had but the lash line is done in Passion Plum. Ignore my lazy lid. That thing makes it so hard to take nice pictures!

Gifts for me :D

2010-12-15T11:20:00.000-08:00

WATCHING: Saturday Night Live

Alright so here's an update on some gifts I got myself. For some reason I've been super excited about makeup lately. I don't even wear it often. So I'll introduce my order from Sugarpill (sugarpillshop.com) that came in the other day. I will use their website photos because I don't have a very good camera.

This is Poison Plum. A pressed eyeshadow that has a little shimmer in it. $12

This is Stella. A loose powder eyeshadow that is, at its base black, but has every color in glitter that you can think of. It's like a sparkly rainbow on a black background. $12

This is Hysteric. It's a loose purple eyeshadow that has a lot of glitter in it as well. Pretty much all products from Sugarpill have glitter or a light shimmer to it. $12

I also got a sample size of this loose eyeshadow called Junebug. I haven't tried any of these yet, but I will try them soon.

Here is a necklace I bought from Etsy. It was listed as a Guardian Angel necklace. It is essentially a house key with some intricate wire wound wings behind it.

I also got myself along with Stuart a membership to a new local gym called Anytime Fitness. It's a year membership so... kinda stuck now. I figure Stuart and I aren't going to move out of here anytime soon despite how much I want to and this gym is so close and it's 24hrs which is great for me because I'd rather go workout after work rather than before (and I don't usually get off work until after 9pm).

Another gift for Stuart is clothes. I planned to give him like $100 giftcard to somewhere, but I think it's going to be less since the gym membership wasn't actually planned into my gifts for him. He has 4 gifts now.

I'm also in the process of sending out holiday cards to friends, mostly Gaia friends. :D

Oh, and before I end this, I'll share a few photos from a fun-filled day at Vince's in Ontario to celebrate their 65th anniversary. I went with Erin and we had a blast. I got a pinup calendar, delicious food (of course), saw a spaghetti eating contest, got my hair done rockabilly style and got a photo taken with Erin (who also got her hair done and bought a hair clip).

Kick in the blog

2010-12-14T10:38:00.000-08:00

Watching: Little Miss Sunshine

I realize I haven't posted anything in a long time regarding my kickstarter projects (and by 'my' I mean projects I've backed). So this entry is dedicated to them. I haven't backed any new ones lately so it's a good time to introduce ones that have been progressing.

Josephine and the Roach - Dec. 6 J&tR backers were informed that the role of Josephine has been cast and things are going smoothly. As part of my prize pack I received a postcard with a drawing of a cockaroach in a scene of my choice. And here it is:

Mr. Roach getting ready for a hot date. <3

ReMIND: a graphic novel - With my reward bracket I get a copy of the book as well as get is signed. The art looks great and the concept is cute.

Punk Mathematics - This caught my eye real fast. First of all, I hate math but I love learning. Secondly, the project creator just looks crazy and explains the concept of the book well. The price wasn't too bad either so I had to try it out. Part of my prize (including the book) is an index card with a concept from the book on it. I'm really after the book obviously.

PAPER MACHINE: Muster Zine - A cute collection of written work and art by a selection of people. It reminds me of something I used to do as a kid so I thought why the hell not. Still waiting on a copy, but the updates make it seem like it's getting realy close.

Let There Be Letters - This project finished a while ago. I had a letter sent to Chantal and one sent to me. Chantal flipped out because she thought she had a stalker. She called me just about crying. It was very funny afterwards. I received my letter a few days later (written on paper it seems the gentleman made himself). It took me a while to return a letter but I'm hoping to get a second one back (I believe I signed up for the bracket that guarantees a second reply). This project inspired me to do a penpal project with my Gaia friends. A few contributed but it hasn't really gone anywhere.

Caldera - "An animated short film about a girl struggling with mental illness." We all know how I'm into psychology. It caught my eye. I wasn't about to pay $50 for a DVD so I'm hoping it will make its mark so that I can get a DVD cheaper someday. My contribution gave me digital stills (which are still in the works).

Seedbomb Vending Machines - Super cute idea. I got a cool slingshot with seedbombs to plant. I haven't used them but it's cool. Here are some photos:

That's it for now.

Furloughs... again

2010-12-10T10:15:00.000-08:00

NOTE: I seem to have unlearned how to color code my damn posts.

This is either the second or third time we've had to do a quarter of furloughs. This one is the worst though. This time it's a total of 10 days. But the bright side of this is that we can choose to take unpaid furlough or paid holiday for those 10 days. 'Furlough' automatically gives off a bad vibe because people associate it with a business not meeting goals, so naturally quite a few of my co-workers (me included) were upset.

But then we started thinking about what to do in this time and we realized how great it will be. Unlike the last time we took furloughs under the reign of my old boss, this time I will feel comfortable asking for multiple days off at a time. When Dobbs was the managing editor, I took pride in being so depended on to get my job done, but since I didn't really have anywhere to vacation (and no money to vacation with), I didn't care about taking multiple days off at a time. The one time I thought about it, I realized it would never happen. But now that I work with people who know how to do my job (granted, at first I was pretty terrified that it meant that I was going to be replaced), I feel like my job will get done without me.

So, a few things planned: a Sunday outing with Chamie, Joy J. and possibly Kevin on this sky tram thingy that we got a coupon to earlier in the year, a few day visit to Sulvang (Sulvane?) with Chamie, possibly a visit to AZ to meet a friend I have only talked to online for over 4 years (she loves karaoke) and an hour drive from there to visit my cousin and her significant other whom I haven't met (her and I have been talking more because of FaceBook - thanks social networking!). There is another trip I might take, but I'm waiting a bit more to really think on that one. As of right now I'm slowly gathering information about a round trip ticket to AZ and car rental.

I'm currently working on my final business project (well, not at this moment of course, because here I am blogging). I need to write a blog on some items I purchased on Etsy recently as well as updates on projects from kickstarter. I will soon. For now, back to that project.

Thankful for acceptance

2010-11-30T17:10:00.000-08:00

Watching: Airplane! (RIP Leslie Nielson)

Grateful. That's what I think of when I recall the past weekend. Saturday night I was able to go out to the Brandin' Iron, and despite there only being two dances I did, I still had fun. Sunday I worked but I enjoyed a second Thanksgiving with my co-workers. Chantal made a Thanksgiving feast, Joy made an apple pie and I also enjoyed the company of Chantal's friend Chris (who I've met once before and wouldn't mind doing so again) and co-worker Kevin. I was filled with a sense of love. I don't know how to explain it, but I feel like we're a lovely (bunch of coconuts?) group of friends (Chamie, Joy, Kevin, I). We enjoy weekly 'beer and wings' nights and I can't put in to words how amazing it feels to be part of something so seemingly minuscule yet immensely important to me. I am thankful for them. It's been a while since I've felt part of a tightly-knit group of friends.

Here is a photo of Chamie in the kitchen with the apron I got her for her birthday (Nov. 30!)

I also had a wonderful Thanksgiving lunch with Stuart and his parents which has become my Thanksgiving tradition, and I feel so welcome. I feel as if I'm a part of the family. :D And I like it.

Closing note: FUCK YOU BLOG! You won't color code my fucking post!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Living in sin

2010-11-16T10:06:00.001-08:00

Listening to: The sound of Stuart making breakfast (SHOCK!)

I went to my grandparents house yesterday for lunch which was different. At some point my grandpa asked when I was going to get married. I kind of laughed at him because I just discussed that my boyfriend delivers pizza for his new job, and his old job was working at a gas station. I asked him why I should get married and he said it's because I'm living in sin. Then my grandmother interjected and grandpa followed up with "I'm just joking around." But the way my grandmother reacted to it, I'm sure he wasn't joking around, he just didn't want a heated argument.
So since I didn't get to say what I wanted to say to him, I'll say it here (because my blog needs some updates anyway).

I'd rather live in sin than live in regret and disappointment. I've told a few people that Stuart, being the person he is, I can see us being together for a long time. However, I decided a while ago that if I'm going to dedicate the rest of my life to someone, that person needs to show that they can take care of me. I don't want to spend anymore of my life taking care of someone else (unless it's my kid). I'm not going to get married until my soon-to-be-spouse has a decent job and (here's the hard one) we don't live in a house full of roommates. I might accept one roommate, but I'd rather not. I'd like to have a house to ourselves, but that is honestly looking very bleak. I don't have the money and he sure as hell doesn't have the money, so I'm really stuck here. It'd be stupid of us to move out into an apartment that is almost double what we're paying now just for some privacy.

So I'll either remain living in sin or certain things will need to change. I've been with Stuart almost 3 years and am incredibly proud of myself. If money wasn't an issue, there would be very little upsets in our relationship. Some changes need to be made, so I'm on the lookout for those.

2010-11-03T12:35:00.000-07:00

Listening to: The bubles in my soda pop

So my mother's birthday is Oct. 20 and I completely forgot to call and tell her. On Oct. 29 (my birthday) my grandmother called and she brought up that my mother had surgery on a malignant tumor in her neck. So I felt horrible on two counts now (even though it's been pointed out that it's not entirely my fault that I didn't know she was having surgery since she didn't tell me, but the other side is that I hardly call to talk to her). My mother has been going to school full time with a full time job since I moved out of her house. And recently she told me that she has a second job (part time) at the ER. Working in the ER is a high-stress job. My mother is always going going going. She really needs to slow down. :(

For my birthday:
Friday - a few friends met me at the Brandin' Iron (even though I couldn't get there until 10:45pm and we stayed for about 2hrs)
Saturday - saw the bands Janelle Monae and Of Montreal
Sunday - sat at home all day until Stuart got off work, went to Red Robin for my free birthday burger
Monday - Lunch with my dad at Red Lobster

So as noted above; Stuart has a job. He's delivering pizza for Dominoes. Lets see how this goes.

Playing catchup

2010-10-24T14:13:00.000-07:00

Watching: Planet Earth

So... it's been a while, yes? It's still going to be a while, this is just to try and get myself back into blogging. My friend Chantal wanted to make a blog for her cooking and such and it's hard to push someone to that when I myself am not even doing it.

So a little catch up: New boss went away for a few months on medical leave and we've been having boss duties bounced around between Sun people (Sun = San Bernardino Sun newspaper, our big sister paper). Still doesn't feel like we have a real boss. I still want to be laid off so that I can find a better job. On the good side Stuart got a new job. Well, it was actually a really bad side at first; he was fired. He started a film editing job yesterday so we will see how this goes.

Still living with a house full of monkeys but there are some things that have been toned down, so it's become more tolerable.

2010-06-30T16:25:00.000-07:00

Listening to: The sounds of my co-workers

I'm very behind in blogging. I've been pretty busy. The last few weekends were pretty jam packed.

I went to a cabin in the mountains with my family for a few days (Stuart too); a new tradition we started maybe 2 years ago. I'll post the few pictures I have but I'm still waiting for photos from family, even though I doubt I'll get them anytime soon.

This past weekend I attended the first show of Igor Spectre's Ten Years of Travesty Anniversary Tour, which was actually not really ON the tour, it was considered a secret show. It was at Shamrock's in Chino Hills and apparently, despite the fact that they brought in a lot of bodies, they were not paid because Rob (singer) threw the mic down and spilled water on the stage. I'm not sure if Brian (guitarist) kicking over a monitor was another reason because the stage guy didn't actually see him do it, and of course none of us ratted him out. "I don't know, it just fell" is what Ray said, haha. I'll edit this post to add the few photos I have.

Then on my next day off I spent it with Kristin running errands, eating lunch, watching her make my duck hat for the upcoming anime convention and watching Ponyo.

This coming weekend I will probably go to the Brandin' Iron because the last few Friday's I've been doing karaoke and kinda miss dancing. And then Sat/Sunday will be anime expo so I'm hoping I can sit my ass down Monday and get to fixing my blog.

Phew. :D

Moving on the upward

2010-06-16T21:38:00.000-07:00

Listening to: Pandora (Silverchair Radio)

I was able to turn last night's shitty situation (being locked out of the house) into a productive one when I started work on a resume I said I'd do last week. High five me. I think I've come to the conclusion that even if the Facts (co. I work for) became less disorganized and screwy than it is now with all this power change, I should still go. I've constantly complained that I should be getting paid more than I currently do and it was always the love and pride in my job and the people I worked with that kept me from actually implementing any forward motion. Since that has deteriorated, I think it's my opportunity to wriggle my way out of here and upward. I still don't know what I want to do with my life but I think I have enough skill to do a clerical job and if I can get my hands on one that pays more than I'm currently being compensated, then I'm going to close my eyes and whisper to myself 'you deserve more' and click to send that resume.

I honestly do think I deserve more but I'm just scared to go get it because in reality I don't NEED more, but the higher reality on that is that things will be much better/easier for me if I do this now. More money isn't necessary, but it's best for me to get it now and save it up so whenever I do find an opportunity to get a house (why the hell is that my huge goal now? I'm sure it's irritating Stuart), I will have the means to do so instead of hanging my head and saying "If only..."

Igor Spectre is starting their 10-yr anniversary tour thingy. It's so nuts to know that I've been following them for about 8 of those years. I think I'm going to be bold and ask my boss for all of those days off. What could it hurt? Besides me getting less of a paycheck and eating up the teeny bit of vacation time I actually have. But I think I should do it. Follow 'my' band and enjoy it and not worry my eyeballs out that work won't get done without me. That's what always held me back from doing anything in the past. But now, the company is so eager to spread work across more people... sure, let the Sun or some other employee do my job so I can enjoy myself. I don't know how many employees out there think like I do. "If I go on vacation everyone else will have so much to do, I just can't leave." I gotta stop thinking that way. I don't want to be 40yrs old with 2 months of vacation time racked up because I was so busy worrying about things getting done. The thread and guild I run on Gaia has sort of showed me that I'm a control freak. Everything is organized just so and I get plenty of people who ask if they can help and I just can't see myself allowing that because things have to be done 'just so.'

So, back to Igor Spectre:
JUNE 26 - Shamrock's, Chino Hills (secret show)
JULY 10 - Bar Sinister, Hollywood
JULY 23 - The Double Down Saloon, Las Vegas
AUGUST 13 - Beauty Bar, Las Vegas
SEPTEMBER 15 - House of Blues, Anaheim

If you want more info feel free to contact me.

Weekend full of voices, victors and a violated throat

2010-06-14T18:00:00.000-07:00

Watching: Family Guy

Friday I went to karaoke at Taylor's in Redlands. I read reviews that mentioned it was a hole in the wall and to those people I'd like to say 'have you been to the Dirty Bird? Because you do NOT know what a hole in the wall is' haha. I sang 'Hot Blooded,' 'Love is a Battlefield,' and 'You Were Meant for Me.' Ray sang 'Papa Was a Rolling Stone.' I'd like to go back soon. They have karaoke Thurs/Fri/Sat.

At work, we're going to work on me getting out of work on Friday's by 6pm. Time will tell how these thing work out. I still haven't written my resume but I will get to it soon. I honestly think I deserve more money. I'm 25 and thinking about a house of my own and the plain truth is that I can't get that with this job, especially since raises have been frozen the last 2 years.

Saturday morning I went to a Chili cook off with Chantal. It was a nice few hours and I found out Chantal is more of a pussy when it comes to hot food than I thought. Her eyes were watering over some of the chili and they were honestly not hot, just full of spices. However she did remind me that she ate ALL of it despite that her throat was on fire and I give her props on that. Here are some photos:

Went to Medieval Times Sunday for Stuart's bday. Happy birthday Stuart! His birthday was actually Monday, June 14 but he worked that day so there.

HIGHLIGHTS:
1. During the knight games they have to throw a joust at a target and one of the knights got the ... joust stick? stuck in the target and the guy pulling it out seriously was tugging on it for like a minute.
2. Our knight, the Blue knight, was a bad ass. He didn't win overall, but he won one fight and he fought dirty. I totally called the point when he kicked another knight in the nuts.
3. The middle of the show there are announcements. "Barbara is celebrating her divorce. Barbara, wherever you are, meet me at the bar after the show. *pause* Yeah, that's just how I roll." Also "Tom is celebrating his first time *looonnggg pause and a lot of laughter* Here. His first time here." We sat front row and got birthday cake. Also, the chicken dinner we had was called a baby dragon. :P

Notice Stuart's time period shoes :P He requested this pose.

Monday for lunch (today) we went to his parents house and ate some lobster tail, artichoke, shrimp, all sorts of yummy and topped off with a game of dominoes and strawberry shortcake type of desert. And now, Monday night, I shall be attempting to make creamy tomato-basil pasta with shrimp for dinner.

Blog layout, work layout

2010-06-08T14:18:00.000-07:00

Watching: Law & Order

I would like to introduce this beautiful new layout. Krys, a lovely lady whom I'm so proud to know, put it together for me. The ducky on the top is done by a Gaia friend of mine named Descry (if you didn't notice the signature). The art on the left, of my Gaia avatar on top of sushi, is also from Descry. He is a very talented man. Krys took the theme of ducks and sushi and put it all together so cute. The chopstick divider is adorable. Try and tell me this isn't amazing. :D

Things at work are getting real messy. The first two weeks with a new boss consisted of the new boss being absent due to surgery. Today is when she will actually be in the office as our boss for the first time. I am hoping that the next two weeks will be different. The Daily Facts is a special newspaper. We cover local news that no other papers would because they're viewed as unimportant. I think this newspaper is tangible proof of how Redlands is unique from other cities. This has been brought to the attention of our new boss. In the last two weeks, less local stories have gone in our paper. Nothing national or anything, but instead of staying within a few miles of Redlands, they've gone out a few cities, reaching out to Fontana news. I've complained a lot these last two weeks but my mind always said "just wait until the boss gets back and we'll all talk about what's been going on." So we will see what happens. I was on Craigslist yesterday looking for positions. I am prepared to leave my job. The company froze raises and there really isn't any other advancement I can do at my job, so I'm prepared to leave.

Athiests = Cancer cell?

2010-06-01T00:00:00.000-07:00

Watching: Stuart make a new track on Mod Nations Racers (and he just deleted one he was making for the last 30 minutes and I want to slap him)

I have no photos for you, just a few tidbits.

1. A gal working at the local subway said to me: "I almost didn't recognize you without your purple hair." She didn't mean I look bad with the color I have now, she just said it's different. I admit I miss my purple. :( Stuart loves to remind me that he misses it too.

2. Stuart was watching some guy ranting on YouTube about how atheists are like cancer cells; only live to consume and care only about themselves - they do not give to charity and do not do volunteer work. So that kinda seems like what he means to say is that humans alone are horrible animals and without God they cannot feel compassion or understand generosity, etc. That's quite a horrible outlook. We as humans are blood sucking beings without guidance from the lord. If humans didn't have God to shine his light on us, we'd all have killed each other by now. I think not. I personally don't believe in God but I'm not going to bash on someone else for believing in a higher power. But I do think it's bull to believe that only people who have strong ties with a religion can be a good person. I think I'm a great example. I love doing volunteer work and making other people happy and seeing a stranger smile or be able to enjoy life a little better because of something I did. That's not selfish. I don't need a higher power to show me how to treat my fellow man. I would actually love to find a volunteer organization which isn't tied to a religious group so I can support that. I'm a good person because I'm a good person, not because a higher power guided me to be one.

3. I think there was something else I wanted to talk about, but I got all crazy on that topic. So I'll leave you with that.

ShushEtsy items arrive!

2010-05-26T21:40:00.000-07:00

Watching: Aqua Teen Hunger Force

I got most of my Etsy purchases. Hooray! Now for the show.

I got this necklace from SelfRescuingPrincess. There's sushi, chopsticks and also some ginger and wasabi ball in there.

This mousepad from HomeDeconomics

And this AWESOME FUCKING BAG from lesliehappyheart
FRONT: Adorable.

INSIDE: The pocket velcros shut and the whole purse zips shut.

BACK: A pocket.

A cute itty bitty notebook!

Chantal pointed out that the mousepad kinda matches the purse. I'm still waiting on one more sushi necklace and some sushi stationary.

Sunburn

2010-05-26T01:16:00.000-07:00

Watching: Metalocalypse
Look at this. I got this sunburn on Friday. It is now Wednesday.

Graduation weekend

2010-05-24T15:29:00.000-07:00

Watching: Daybreakers

Graduation day was pretty cool. The day before, as I said, I got my hair done by Shorty and she gave me these purple tulips:

At the graduation, we stood in a line for 2 hours just waiting for the thing to start which I thought was pretty shitty. The ceremony itself was about 2 hours as well. There was a live webcast and I wish I would have known that so that I could tell those who weren't able to be there. My mom and I were able to be right up front with our old neighbor, Beverly. During the tassle turn, I moved my mom's and she moved mine. I thought that was a cute idea.

I wore my cupcake necklace and I'm sure the woman who made it may be happy to see it.

There will probably be more photos later. I don't have a camera so I'm depending on others when it comes to getting photos.

Afterwards there was a family gathering where I convinced my childhood friends Marcus and Julie (kids of Beverly) to go with us to Brandn' Iron. I drank quite a bit and I shouldn't be drinking that much again. I did have a lot of fun though. Kevin actually came and I guess it's something he may be doing more often.

On Sunday I went with Stuart, Grandma, Cynthia, Elissa and Andrew to the All-American Youth Circus. I enjoyed it. Of course there were parts that went on a bit long, and a few parts where you're like "well that's not really an accomplishment" but for their respective age groups it is. I definitely found the unicycling to be most exciting.

And tonight is LOST night. The finale was last night and people at work are taking and talking so Kev and I had to tell them to hushush. Sheesh. :D

Sushetsy crazy

2010-05-19T22:31:00.000-07:00

Listening to: Anberlin
Watching: Stuart play Uncharted 2

I went a little Etsy crazy last night. Spent about $50. Got a little buyers remorse at the checkout screen. I got one clay sushi on a plate necklace, one sushi in a bottle necklace, a sushi mousepad, sushi notepad and a sushi shoulder bag. So I guess the more appropriate explaination of last night would be that I went Sush-etsy crazy. I figured if I stuck to one theme I would be able to control my cart. So of course pictures will follow soon. Don't wanna show off too early. I saw a really cool web necklace but decided not to get it because it looks like I can make something like that myself and Chantal agreed.

So work is still crazy. We were told today that we can no longer have split days off (it's policy) so the boss has decided we will now be getting Sunday and Monday off. So wonderful, I have to work both of the 'lets go out' days. So I think Fridays (starting next week) I'll go in to work at 9am so I can be out by 6pm so I can go home, get dressed up and get out. Brandin' Iron has become my Friday night hangout! I like dancing. Of course I think line dancing isn't exactly as much dancing exercise as I'd like, but it's something. I work up a little bit of sweat. Those dance floor lights are hot. My concern is that I'll get all of Sunday's paper done on Friday (except for the stories on events happening Saturday) and when I come in Saturday for work I will have hardly anything to do. It seems that my boss is making A1 (front page of the paper) seem like a big deal. She had suggested to designate someone at the Sun (our sister paper) to lay it out for us. I thought it was ridiculous and asked Jen (old boss) if A1 was a big deal and she said not really. So I don't know what the big deal is. Yup. Said that 3 times now.

Going to have Shorty straighten my hair tomorrow. And by that she's going to dry it and brush it. I can't even do that on my own. Ugh. Some kind of girl I am. Friday is graduation day. Going to BI that night.

Need an update, can't sleep

2010-05-18T02:36:00.000-07:00

Listening to: Music that is failing to drown out the noise of sex upstairs
Mood: pissed off

Graduation is coming up. This Friday. I've got photos for you to look at!

We're having a dinner type thingy/get together at her house after the graduation and she wanted to get a party sub at Stater Bros and I convinced her to get it from a local sandwich shop instead. Not only are Libby's (that's the owners name, the shop is My Hero Subs) sandwiches better because they have more meat in them, but I love helping out local things, you know?

Also, my friend Joy bought it for me. It's a hair clip. She bought it at a steam punk event she was invited to.

I wanted to let you know that I had been a little paranoid with my job status since the drama at work with the new boss and all, but my co-workers have eased my nerves as well as put in a good word for me with the boss to let her know how important my role is to this company and the staff. A big thank you to them.

Something lost - waiting for the gain

2010-05-12T10:11:00.000-07:00

Listening to: Of Montreal

I cried last night for something that I lost. It wasn't only mine - it was shared, and we all lost it. A part of it is still around but... it's not the same. Maybe it's kinda stupid that I cried for it but I really liked it and I'm sad it's gone. It's going to be replaced and who knows, maybe it will be just as good, but I don't really think so. At least I still have the group of people I shared this with. That's a nice feeling because I've grown awfully fond of them and wouldn't want to lose them either; not now that I feel I've gotten to know them better. This thing I lost - we lost - was what got me to get to know them better, and I'm pretty grateful for that.

On a somewhat different note I realized yesterday all the death and severe health issues that have surrounded me. Not me personally, but at my work place. I've worked for the current company for over 5 years. From the end of last year to current date, people in advertising (there's only 3 of them) have had family members in and out of hospitals and at least 3 deaths that I can recall. An old boss I had when I first started at this job lost his son. I think it was found out that it was either a suicide or an accidental drug overdose. A co-worker of mine, an old guy named Larry who I was actually fond of, passed away and merely one week later my other co-worker lost his wife to cancer. For him I felt a great deal of sorrow. He knew his wife was slipping away and just when he was hit with the sorrow of losing a long time friend (the co-worker), he was then hit with the tragedy of losing his life long love. He was so quite and unlike himself for a few weeks.

It's amazing how powerful one can be moved by someone else's misfortune.

Mother's Day weekend

2010-05-10T13:34:00.000-07:00

Watching: Law & Order

Had lunch with mommy and family for Mother's Day. Here's my brother and mom:

Also, I received the pink slip to my car. The same day I received this:

What a waste of paper and postage!

And I'll leave you with this beautiful accident Stuart made:

Also, forgot to add that I got a $700 credit limit at Best Buy so I went and bought Ponyo, the only season of The Oblongs that exists, the Sick Puppies CD that I don't have (Dressed Up as Life) and an external hard drive which Stuart will pay half for and give me his old one (as well as transfer all my music onto it so I don't have to do it).

Books, bows and being brave

2010-05-07T18:44:00.000-07:00

Watching: King of the Hill.

I received two books in the mail this week. They were both from a project I backed on Kickstarter by Andrew Fitzgerald. One is the book which the purpose of the project was to spotlight. The second is the collection of short stories that came out of the project. Each backer, depending on their donation level, was able to contribute to the weekly short stories he wrote. The excess in funds from the project led Andrew to print and bind the short stories and send them to all backers. How fantastic - a surprise prize!

I'm working on new ways to do my doo. People liked my latest clip:

I R is Cute :D

And also, thanks to co-worker Joy who gave me this cute oragami monster fellah:

It's earned a spot next to my deadline note. :P

So things at work are kinda crazy. Two people from work are absent and they have important roles which we are working to get around. Emotions are tense and we're on a bit of a confidence roller coaster. I'm hoping I can prove myself useful.

Chantal and I

2010-05-04T00:28:00.000-07:00

Watching: Adult Swim (Family Guy)

Here are some photos from the Brand'n Iron I promised.

Chantal and I.

A better one of Chantal and I.

Me and my cute hair clip. This is the first time I've been able to wear it and how lucky I'm able to introduce it here in my blog! I purchased it from Cheap Thrills run by Darlene X. Here's her myspace.
Cheap Thrills

Car problem?

2010-05-03T12:59:00.000-07:00

Watching: HGTV

So last week, Wedensday, my car had over heated and there was no water or coolant in it. So on Thursday I took it to Firestone where they proceeded to tell me I had a water leak, an oil leak and that it would be about $500 to fix it. I was at the salon when I got that phone call and I LOL'd at that. One of the things he mentioned was the thermostat which is something Stuart's dad had replaced a few months earlier. I paid the $77 for the diagnosis and the small stuff like putting air in my tires, yaddah yaddah.

Anywho, Friday I took it to Stuart's dad's house and he said the pipes didn't look like they needed replacing (one of the things Firestone said I did) and on Sunday he decided it was the thermostat and so Firestone's quote of $500 came out to be $14.99.

Thank you Stuart's dad. Jim. :D

Hair blues... to a new color!

2010-05-02T13:08:00.000-07:00

Listening to: Someone outside my window... EEK!

So, as I said last time - I got my hair did. It looks weird considering I'm so used to seeing purple but everyone likes it. The oddest response I got was from Stuart who said "you look like an adult." Kinda weird, but thanks sweetheart. He is attracted to chicks with crazy hair color but I think since we've been dating over 2 years, I've got him tied down with my amazing personality. :P

So here are some before pictures. The first shows the purple/blue/teal/ocean color. Yeah, it looks all mermaidy, and while that might be interesting, it's not what I want. I dye it purple because I want it to be purple, not a shitty mixture of colors. Hence the "I'm fed up and I'm changing it altogether.

amidst all this shitty color there's always one strip of purple that decides it likes to be purple. I told Shorty (my hairdresser) that it's like the rest of my hair rebelled and decided it didn't want to be purple anymore and this little strip said 'I dunno guys, I like it, I think it looks good' and held its ground. Here's the brave little strip:

So, with that being said I introduce my new hair. But first I introduce the purple strip that earned its place in my heart and on my head:

Such a strong-willed purple strip deserves to keep its place. It stood up with the rest said 'fuck you' and I have rewarded it for its style. Good going purple strip!

And here is the new me:

Isn't that nuts! I think the picture makes me look like one of the examples in a hair cut book. It's gunna take a bit getting used to but... there it is. And here's the purple I used to be, so we can remember fondly the me I once was (only one tear is allowed to be shed per person) :

Yes, image heavy, but so what - it's my blog.

Okay, so on to my Friday night. I don't have all the photos and there are some good ones but here's one that I should share now. This gentleman is a friend of Chantal's ex and he danced with her and she suggested he dance with me so I learned to 2-step this Friday. I'll explain the picture by saying I was trying to take a picture of the 3 of us - Chantal, Mountain Man and myself - but my arms are short (as is the rest of me) and I thought I was only going to get her and him... and instead I got Mountain Man and my stretching arm face:

Why I thought that angle would get her in it I haven't a clue, but there. But like I said, I'll post more when I get the pictures. So get on it Chanie. I want those pictures.

cupcakes and a euphemism for racism

2010-04-28T21:13:00.000-07:00

Listening to: Pandora radio, Incubus Radio station

I've been looking at this hundreds of times a day this week because I've set it as a background on my phone so I wanted to share it with you:

This was taken a few weeks ago at the Orange Muffin Festival in Redlands - the same place I fell in love with those goddamn messenger bags. These are scented cupcake candles. Cute, yes? Yes. That's why it's my background. Colorful and cute.

Also, I was turned on to www.xtranormal.com this week (today actually) and it allows you to make 'movies' by just typing. You choose characters, setting, dialog and viola! Here's one I made right quick.

This little conversation was on my mind for a day or two, just sitting under the here-and-now thoughts. Not sure why, but there it is.

Tomorrow I will post pictures of my new hair. And most likely a few more by Saturday since I'll be going out with 'the girls' Friday night.

Growing, changing

2010-04-25T06:17:00.000-07:00

Currently watching: Ninja Warrior

Last week I went with my mom to a photography studio to get graduation pictures taken. They turned out cute. When they come in, I'll be sure to post them. Of course. On top of mom and I graduating (exciting), my friend Chantal is now DONE with college. She's 21 and done. How exciting. Smart gal.

So my purple just isn't as purple as it used to be. The purple in my hair. Instead of it lasting for 2-3 months, it's fading to blue and then sea green/teal in about a month. Very uncool. This has been going on for like 6+ months so I've just about had it. I confessed this to my hairdresser who passed it along to my boss (her mom) and it flew through the office before the end of the day. So it went from a passing thought, to an "I'm gunna do it." I've decided on black cherry. I've always loved that color but when the time came to dye my hair, purple won. It's just been my thing. As a co-worker said, he doesn't even know what I look like without purple hair. I've been dying it completely purple for 2 years now, streaked purple for over 2 years before that, so this is kinda a big deal. I think I will ask my hair dresser to start with just dying the top and leaving the purple that actually stays in my hair (under the main top layers). That should make it look interesting. Now I need to figure out how to cut/style it. I'm thinking maybe I can do it Thursday. I guess we will see, eh? ;)

Thanks for reading.

Water penis

2010-04-19T22:17:00.000-07:00

Listening to: Chevelle

I had forgot to mention in my entry that I have (unfortunately) seen one of my roommates penis, of which I am apparently the last of the household to have seen. I live with 6 guys and most of them have seen one another. Not quite sure what that's all about. In this instance a majority of the household was sitting outside drinking and smoking talking about the party that had gone on the night before. There is an old tub out back which they use to fill up with ice and put beverages in it. This roommate was sitting in the tub that was halfway full, I'm guessing it was some leftover melted ice, sipping champagne in the buff. I'm sure I shouldn't be too upset about that, but I am. I feel like I live with immature people. I think it's because that's not where I am in my life right now. I'm trying to save up money to get a place where Stuart and I can be alone, where I can feel a sense of achievement and I'm not getting that feeling in this house. Two of my roommates are unemployed and spend a large chunk (if not all) of their money on titties and booze. Just the though if people gobbling up government money and not giving a shit and doing nothing to find another job really pisses me off.

A kickstarter update: Pesi, the artist who put together and achieved funding for the 1024 art project, has... well I just said it; achieved funding for the project. I will, once the project is complete and displayed at the art festival he is submitting it to, receive 4 original framed paintings inspired by a word or phrase I provided to him as well as a book which includes pictures of my art as well as many others associated with the project. Fantastic.

I recently backed a new project - Caldera - an Animated Short Film. A synopsis the project creator leaves:
"Caldera is an animated short film about a young girl struggling with mental illness. When she goes off her medication, she abandons a bleak metropolis to immerse herself in the lush world seen through her magnificently vivid mind."
It has over 2 months to go and is a few hundred from its goal, so this will be nice. I'm hoping that there will be DVD's for sale outside of the project because I don't want to donate $50.

Personal note: I made the final payment on my car today so my 2003 Hyundai Elantra is all mine. About 5 years of payments and it's mine mine mine. Now the harder part will be to NOT SPEND that extra money and put it into savings. I would really really like to not be living in the place I am, with the people I am, by the new year. I would love love love to have my own house. This also means I'd love love love Stuart to get a better job and perhaps make the big commitment to help me with the down payment and/or monthly payment. I know that's kind of a lot to ask from a guy, but I do see myself living in a house with him and calling it our house. I've been with him for 2yrs 3mo now and every now and then when I look at him I get butterflies. And also having my own house means I can have a puppy, and I want a fucking puppy.

Another exciting thing I did today was put in an application for the Pepsi refresh project - that one thing that they have a commercial for where they are giving out grants to people with ideas and if people vote for your idea, you get the grant. I actually didn't submit it yet because I have to wait until May for the next round, but I figured I'd take a shot at it and it's all laid out. It's for my lotto dream; to have a restaurant which serves good food (the company doesn't promote alcohol so I can't have a bar), has an area for live musical performances and will be able to transfer profits to certain charities. Spiffy? I think so. I would really love to get behind that because not only do I love supporting local music, I have loved volunteering since my childhood (I think it has a lot to do with my mom making goody bags for the other cancer patients on holidays that were stuck in the hospital) and love knowing that people are benefiting from my actions. So if anyone likes this idea and you win the lotto, don't forget to kick me back a few thousand, yeah?

Run Through Weekend

2010-04-18T18:10:00.000-07:00

Listening to: Pandora (Teddybears Radio station)

Well, quite a lot has happened this weekend even though if I count in my head, it wasn't really that much.

Friday was setting up to be a pretty uneventful day. I went to the pet store and Wal Mart (and bought a bra that doesn't fit because that's how little I shop) and sat at home bummed with nothing to do until I made plans to go to hookah in Riverside with an old friend, Jimmy. I haven't seen him in like 3 years, and I don't go to Riverside often so I took the opportunity to grab me some Yoshinoya. Love that place. So sad it's not around here anymore. There used to be one in San Bernardino and one in Rialto. So that was nice.

Saturday I tagged along with Chantal to the Orange Muffin Festival. Thankfully we got there as it was ending so I didn't have to cringe my way past too many bags of wrinkles. I bought a ring and a nice choker from a jewelry booth. There was an interesting booth where notepads and sketchpads were made from rescued old hard back book covers. Very interesting. Also, I fell in love with a messenger bag from a lady named Candy who owns candiedfabrics.com and sells scarves (not interested myself) and dyes fabric to make notebook covers, totes, clutches, messengers bags, etc. It was $134. :( So that's the sad face of it, but the happy face of it is that Chantal found out how much I really was sad about it and said that soon we will get together and have a go at making one ourselves.

I would honestly love to try and make one myself. Her prices are high due to her 'sketchy' design and it's hand made and all that jazz. I remember being so proud of myself and happy with the outcome of the duct tape clutch I'd made for Joy (it melted, it doesn't exist anymore) and would like to try my hand at crafts like that again.

We all got off work early because the Run Through Redlands was Sunday and needed to go in Monday's paper (which we usually dish out Saturday) and since Rob was having a huge party at the house, I was generously offered sleep on Chantal's couch. Thank you Chantal. Stuart was a little tipsy off of champagne pong so he called a few times to say goodnight and that he loves me (Awwws <3)

So I sucked bad at the run because I'm overweight and I have that thing wrong with my foot. Yup, full of excuses.

Walking, dancing, eating, smiling

2010-04-12T10:51:00.000-07:00

Listening to: Stuart play Final Fantasy 13

Wow, Sunday was a very eventful day. Over the last 8 weeks or so I had been rallying monetary support that would go towards Camp Ronald McDonald for Good Times. Sunday morning I packed my car with a Joyousenne and a Ray and we went down to Victoria Gardens to join other supporters in a 5K walk for this cause. We met up with my mom, brothers, cousins Sarah, Cynthia and Elissa (crap, I hope I didn't spell that wrong), an aunt and uncle as well as two friends who came down from Hesperia (and were there at 6am, crazy mo-fos) which I was very thankful for.
After the walk we ended up sticking around for 2 hours so we could wait for Vince's Spaghetti (in Rancho Cucamonga - if you haven't been, please do, it's Dee-lish) to open for lunch and everyone (excluding Sarah who went home to do homework) was in attendance. Vince's has been a family tradition forever.
Also went to Best Buy and picked up Journey Essentials, a 2-disc set of Journey hits (a Journey song played on the radio and I was on a shopping high so I decided I needed to ride it) and MGMT's Oracular Spectacular. Good times.
Here are some highlights of the day!

Surprise #1: By raising $100 I received an event T-shirt (I knew about that prize) and by raising $250 I earned a hat. In all I raised $330 which made me the top earner on our team! In all, we were able to raise over $1,000.

Surprise #2: Ray went into the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory store and 'placed an order for chocolate covered strawberries' on the 3rd lap. We found out on the 4th lap that he wasn't joking and proceeded to coax us with them until we finished the final lap. You could say it was a sweet finish?

Surprise #3 (pt1): I never go to Victoria Gardens so I didn't know there was a Borders bookstore. I've had some Borders/Waldenbooks gift cards for a few years and they were still in my wallet, so I was able to use the $31.06 I had on those ( I LOVE gift card surprises). With that money I bought 2 mangas (Gantz 1 and 2), a manga for my brother who was begging, manga for Joy because it was under $10 and I came across a sushi starter kit for $20. Comes with a book, DVD, chopsticks, plates, dipping bowls and the roller thingy. Whee!

Surprise #3 (pt2): Not only did I use my gift cards, I was also informed that because we participated in the walk, we got 10% off the purchase and even MORE - because I bought more than $40 worth, I received 2 tickets to the Ren fair. :P

Back tracking to Friday; I went to the Brandin' Iron. Yup, it's true. Co-workers Joy and Chantal have been wanting me to go with them and I had nothing to do and was sad so I ended up going. It was pretty fun but Joy and I were upset because Chantal was refusing to dance with us. :(
Joy rode the bull - I filmed it but it's so damn dark in that corner that I didn't get a good video. That makes me sad.
Ray came down around 10 or so and I gotta start letting him know when I'm down for the count on drinks because he kept buying them for me and I was pretty trashed. I've got a gruesome bruise on my hand from falling while dancing. :(

Back tracking again, now to Friday morning, I went to Gazzolos European Restaurant in San Bernardino with Vidya and Stuart. Vidya is moving in a few days to Austin, TX. This makes me sad but we will be in contact. Vidya is the only roommate I'm still fully in contact with. Will miss you.

Vidya had a Jalapeno spiced sausage. Interesting.

New music, a new experience

2010-04-06T21:40:00.000-07:00

Listening to:
Sick Puppies

I went to Best Buy yesterday to purchase the newest Sick Puppies CD (it was always in the back of my mind but I'm very forgetful) as well as a Chevelle CD (because I remember when I hear a montage of their songs I say "hey, I like them"). As I was walking through the parking lot, a car decided to not let me walk in front of him and kept driving. I though alright, fine and proceeded to walk behind his car, however he decided to stop abruptly and then proceed to BACK INTO ME to get into a parking spot he missed because he was too busy being a jerk to cut me off from walking in front of him in the first place. WTF is wrong with people? Recall that part that goes "pedestrians have the right of way"? Or maybe "running into people with your car is bad"? No, he didn't hurt me and I really should have started yelling at him, but I'm not really that kind of a person. Now, if he'd run into my other leg, that would have been different. I wouldn't have been able to control the scream that would have lept out because I had a bruise on that knee.

Side note: I thought to myself today of keeping a tiny notepad in my purse and writing down every time I ran into something which I thought might result in a bruise just so I can find out if the bruises I find really are from me or... I don't know. I get bruises and go "what the hell?"

Happy note: As of today, April ... oh hell, the damn blog is dated - I only owe $150(ish) on my car until I own it! And another wonderful note tacked onto this is that there are 3 paychecks in this month so I can use my next paycheck to pay that off and still be able to pay rent for May! It's MINE! I own it! How cool is that?! I've been driving it since 2005. My trusty Squeekums.

2010-04-03T22:43:00.000-07:00

Yet another project I've backed has raised the necessary funds to get going! This time it's a film and it's about a monster. The monster is going to be REAL (as in tangible rather than CG animation) and that sounds pretty cool. Wanna read about it or watch the short video they made explaining the concept? Visit My Name is Dennis.

This Sunday is Easter and the following Sunday is the 5K walk to raise funds for Camp Ronald McDonald for Good Times. I have raised $300 and am so proud of myself. :D Okay okay, $80 of it is mine, but that's all money that goes to the camp that played such a big part in my childhood.

This is a short update but it's an update none-the-less.

Catholic heads molest deaf boys

2010-03-25T19:39:00.000-07:00

KFI AM640 is a talk radio station in Los Angeles which brought to my attention a story about a Catholic leader molesting little deaf boys (shocker, I know). I have come up with a wonderful solution for this. Lets figure out time travel, send these Catholic leaders into the past as one of the little boys and let their adult selves rape and molest them. See how that affects them, eh?

Any other solutions out there? I know mine is far fetched, but I think it might help give some insight. Of course if they come back and keep molesting, then we can throw them in prison for life. And they're not allowed butt sex.

2010-03-22T19:46:00.000-07:00

Nice week!

Went shopping Friday with an acquaintance whom I suppose has taken a small step towards 'friend' because of it. Ross. Limited myself to $100 so we were able to get 5 nice shirts, a pair of jeans and a pair of open toe shoes. Platforms? They're raised at an angle but it's one piece instead of a heel. I still gotta work on my girl vocab I guess. I also got a purse (Dereon, which is apparently Beonce's label, retailed at $90) for $40 - which I got Stuart to agree to pay for. That is a milestone. :P I guess that's one of the things a woman is supposed to do; have her guy buy her things, so this was a milestone for the two of us, haha. But Stuart knows he's lucky - I don't ask for much. I like to be able to support myself and any extra goodies I want.

Also exciting this week was the fact that two projects I was backing on www.kickstarter.com (you will see that website a lot if you decide to follow this) finished up this week, reaching - and exceeding - their goals.
The one I'm VERY excited about is The Word Project, which you can read up on it here or follow the artist on facebook here. I shall be receiving her wonderfully creative book, a poster, and a collection of 5 flashcards. What a wonderful idea. :D The art is so original and fun. I just had to own it and support her.
The other that closed was a project that earned me the first book of author Andrew Fitzgerald. His project was to get backers to pledge a certain amount which yielded them a certain amount of control over what he would write 5 short stories on (to promote his book); one per week. Well it's closed now so I'll be getting a signed book soon. Perhaps I'll tell you what I think once I've read it.

Okay, gotta get back to work now.
Thanks for reading.

Introduction

2010-03-18T22:54:00.001-07:00

Here's a first post to kick things off. I thought I might start some sort of collection of posts, perhaps aim for once a week, that will say a little about what's going on in my life and also spotlight things I'm supporting. I like to support DIY artists - be it music, crafts, etc. - and do my part to spread the word. I'll try and add some interesting stuff now and again; maybe a funny video or picture that particularly amused me that week. Okay? Good.